Tenchi Muyo Tokimi Strikes!
by Rowan Seven
Summary: OAV 3 Parody. Tokimi attacks, Z is revealed, Tenchi chooses, and much silliness and many cameos ensue.
1. In the beginning

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

Once upon a time, there were three sisters.  Like most siblings, they had their fair share of arguments and squabbles.  Unlike most siblings, they were all cosmic beings.  Therefore, a fight between them tended to go something like this:

Tokimi:  Hey, you stole my avatar!  Give it back!

Tsunami:  No, it's mine now!  All mine!  Mwhahaha!  Go find another one.

Tokimi:  You're so mean!  Just for that, I'm going to destroy your creations!  (Blows up Jurai.)  **BOOM!!!**

Tsunami:  ….Waah!  Washu, make her stop!

Washu:  Aaargh!  I was mere moments away from finding the answer to life, the universe, and everything!  You've just ruined a millennium's worth of work!

Tsunami:  (Sobs.)  I'm sorry sister.  It's just that…that…_she_ blew up Jurai!

Tokimi:  And _you_ stole my avatar!

Tsunami:  Did not!

Tokimi:  Did too!

Tsunami:  Not!

Tokimi:  Too!

Washu:  (Wails.)  Why am I the only mature one in this family?!!

And so on.  Fortunately for the universe, this state did not last forever.  Washu, sick and tired of picking up after and repairing all the planets her sisters destroyed and desiring peace and quiet, finally got fed up and reincarnated herself as a mortal, abandoning her cosmic power.  Unfortunately, without their other sister Tokimi and Tsunami's bickering only continued until:

Tsunami:  Hey Tokimi!  Last one outside the universe is a youma!  (Runs.)

Tokimi:  Hey, no fair!  You've got a headstart!  (Runs faster before remembering that she can teleport.)  Bwhahaha!  

Tokimi:  (Teleports outside the universe.)  I win!  I win!  (Blows Tsunami a raspberry.)  What do you have to say now, youma?

Tsunami:  (Smiles sweetly and takes out a key.)  You won the race fair and square, sister.  (Locks Tokimi outside the universe.)  But I won the war!  Mwhahaha!  This universe is mine!  Who's the goddess, yeah?  (Leaves.)

Tokimi:  Why you!  When I get out of her you'll pay!  You'll pay indeed!  I'll steal your allowance, kidnap your dolls, bury your trophies, and…and…other nasty things!  Just you wait!  I'll have my revenge!…………………..Hey, it's kind of dark out here…

So Washu was a mortal with no memories of her past, Tokimi was trapped outside the universe, and Tsunami was living it large as the only sister with power left in this dimension.  However, she soon found that without her sisters eternal life was exceptionally boring.  To combat this ennui she took the form of a tree, declared herself the goddess of Jurai, and started playing soap opera with the noble Juraian families.

Tsunami:  Dance puppets dance!

One can only wonder how Jurai became the galactic superpower it is today.  Anyway, time passed, and as so often happens things changed.  For one thing, galactic cable was invented, offering over 150,892,120 channels.  Tsunami was, of course, overjoyed by this and would've become a couch potato if she hadn't already been a space tree.  

Tokimi, after millennia of moping, bemoaning her fate, and cackling evilly, eventually found a backdoor into the universe, and while it wasn't large enough for her enter through (much to her embarrassment) it was big enough for her to exert some influence and power into this dimension.  Through this entrance she managed to collect several followers, 12 shadows, and a giant floating head who for reasons unknown went by the name of D3.  One of the first things she had them do was construct an awe-inspiring temple that broke the laws of conventional physics and contained wonders from all across the space/time continuum.  It also doubled as a giant playhouse.

Washu, on the other hand, became the self-proclaimed 'greatest scientific genius in the universe,' got a husband, had a child, had both tragically taken away from her, and joined the Galactic Science Academy.  Oh, and she also met and became partners with the green-haired scientist Kagato, mostly because he was the only one other than Dr. Clay who could actually keep up with her.

Kagato:  Washu, let's become partners.  You're a beautiful and intelligent female scientific genius, and I'm a clever and handsome male scientific genius.  Together we can accomplish great things.

Washu:  All right, but on one condition!

Kagato:  Yes?

Washu:  (Anime eyes.)  Call me…little Washu!

Kagato:  (Left eyebrow twitches.)…As you wish...

Eventually Kagato was driven insane by 'unknown forces' (Hint:  it starts with a W and has spiky red hair), but before he was completely crazy he embarked on one last great project with Washu:  Project Ryoko.  They took one of Washu's egg cells, some of Kagato's DNA, the Masu, and just for the heck of it they threw in three mystical gems that had been following Washu around since she was a child.  Unbeknownst to her, these gems contained her forgotten cosmic powers.

Anyway, they combined these genetic and magical materials, enhanced and altered the various strands of DNA, added various spices (euphemism for useful and versatile genetic codes that Kagato and Washu had found over the course of their studies and wanted to integrate into their creation), and let it sit and develop until baby Ryoko was born.  This accomplished, Kagato then went about the incredibly difficult business of devising a trap that not even the brilliant Washu could escape from and then ensnaring her in it.  He even called up an old 'friend' of his for inspiration.

Kagato:  (Holding up a telephone.) I know you're in the middle of conquering a kingdom right now, but could you spare a moment and help me?  If you were trying to imprison the 'greatest scientific genius in the universe' what type of prison would you use?

Queen Beryl:  Kaggie, dear, just stick her in a giant crystal.  Take it from one with experience in these matters.  Giant transparent crystals work, make great displays, and are very useful for gloating purposes.

Later…

Washu:  Hey Kagato!  It's time for little Ryoko's bath.  Do you think you could do it tonight?  I really want to finish my plans for Ryo-ohki.

Kagato:  (Smirking.)  But of course, little Washu.  I'd be _thrilled_ to give Ryoko a bath.  Just let me-…Dear Tsunami no!  Washu, look behind you!

Washu:  (Turns around.)  What?  What is it?  Have one of my experiments escaped?  I knew I should've put better locks on the Pokémon cages…

Kagato:  (Pulls out a weird-looking gun and fires it.)

Gun:  ZAP!

Washu:  Wha-Aaaah!  (Is surrounded by a crystal and put in suspended animation.)

Kagato:  I'm…free.  At long last, glorious freedom!  Mwhahaha-

Baby Ryoko:  Waah!

Kagato:  Er, okay, maybe I'm not completely free, but how hard can taking care of a baby be?

It's statements like that one that just go to show how much some people still have to learn, especially when the baby in question has access to cosmic powers.

Kagato:  (Holds up spoon carrying baby food.)  See the spaceship?  It's yummy!  Here comes the spaceship!  (Moves it towards baby Ryoko's mouth.)

Baby Ryoko:  (Gets a look of distaste on her face as the baby food nears.)  Gogogaga!  (Seeing Kagato's lack of comprehension she shoots him with an energy blast.)  **BOOM!**

Kagato:  (Singed.)…That wasn't mentioned in Parenting for Scientific Geniuses.

I won't even mention Ryoko's terrible twos.  Anyway, over the course of three thousand interminable and taxing years (for Kagato), Ryoko grew and matured into a creature feared and dreaded across the universe:  a teenager.

Kagato:  Ryoko!  Where are you going?  You're supposed to help me steal the royal scepter of the Misnod ruling family!

Ryoko:  No way old man!  Rage against the Flesh has a concert tonight on Cybertron, and I intend to be there!  By the way, may I borrow the Souja?  I need a ride…

Kagato:  AAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!

Suffice it say, Kagato's hair finally turned white due to all the stress he was under.  He also caved in to Ryoko's demand and, using schematics written by Washu, created for Ryoko her very own spaceship Ryo-ohki, hoping that it would teach her some responsibility.  

Kagato:  Now young lady, owning your own spaceship, especially this one, is a very big responsibility.  You'll need to comfort her, teach her, and-

Ryoko:  (Grabs Ryo-ohki.)  Thanks Daddy!  (Bonds with Ryo-ohki.)  Come, I hear that Emperor Azusa is having a party.  Let's crash it!  (Leaves.)

Kagato:  (Sighs.)  Where did I go wrong?

Kagato, already somewhat insane from his tenure as Washu's partner, finally snapped and, like many mad scientists, decided he'd conquer the universe by learning the secret of the universe and harnessing its power.  He informed Ryoko of his plans, but her reaction wasn't what he'd been hoping for.

Ryoko:  (Laughs uproariously.)  You, conquer the universe?  Hahaha!  Nice one Dad.  I think it's time you saw a psychologist.

Kagato:  That's it, the last straw!  I've clothed, fed, educated, cared for, and raised you for the past three thousand years, putting up with all your destructive temper tantrums, vanity, and utter lack of resolve to do any work at all!  Do you realize that you have not once, in all this time, ever cleaned your room?  Well, I'm not going to take this anymore!  (Waves his left glove in front of her face.)

Ryoko:  Er, Dad, what are you do-…(Memories are blocked and Kagato assumes mental control of her body.)

Kagato:  At long last, blessed quiet!  Now, go clean your room!

With a now brainwashed and amnesiac Ryoko under his control, Kagato began sending her out on missions on her own, stealing the mystical artifacts of civilizations, raiding planets, and other such illicit deeds.  Having had firsthand, oftentimes painful, experiences with Ryoko's power, Kagato also inhibited it to some degree, bringing her down from a destroyer of worlds to a destroyer of nations.

This all worked out fine and dandy for the two until Kagato found an answer to his question.  If he captured and stole the powers of Tsunami, he'd ascend to a new, glorious level of existence and be able to make his dreams a reality.  He then devised a method to accomplish this and sent Ryoko and Ryo-ohki on a mission to kidnap the tree.  Of course, to do this, the demon-caller and cabbit would need to get past all of Jurai's defenses, but this posed little trouble to them.

Juraian Border Patrol Agent:  Man, I'm bored.  Thanks to Tsunami and the power of Jurai, no one _ever_ sneaks past our border.  Will nothing exciting ever happen here?

Ryo-ohki:  (Flies past.)  MIYA!

Juraian Border Patrol Agent:  …Will I never get a billion Jurai?

Then the terrible duo arrived on Jurai proper…

Generic Juraians:  Aaaah!  Help us!  The invincible and impenetrable planet of Jurai is under attack!  Someone please help!

Yosho:  Fear not humble and loyal citizens of Jurai for I, the noble, dashing, handsome, and incredibly skilled Crown Prince Yosho shall duel with this demon and save you!

Juraian Nobles:  Hey, it's that arrogant crossbreed!  Boo!  Go back to Earth, you pretender to the throne!

Yosho:  Perhaps you'd like to deal with Ryoko yourselves then?

Juraian Nobles:  Er…three cheers for Crown Prince Yosho!  Hurray!

Yosho:  That's better.  Now then, Ryoko, prepare to die!  (Runs off into the sunset with the sword Tenchi ignited.)

Ryoko:  (Behind him.)  Hey, I'm over here!

Yosho:  (Sweatdrops.)  Heheheh, I knew that!  Now, prepare to die!  (Turns around and charges her.)

And lo, a great and awesome battle that would put Dragonball Z to shame commenced and mass property destruction ensued.  Juraian light-blade met conjured laser-sword, prince fought pirate, but most devastating of all was the interruption of Centuries of Our Lives, Tsunami's favorite soap opera.

Maitus:  Oh Jineras, I'm so sorry about marrying your clone, brainwashing your sister, and giving your phone number to all of my criminal connections.  I love you.  Can you ever forgive me? 

Jineras:  Oh Maitus, of course I can.  I love you!  Can you forgive me locking you in a cage, having a liaison with your long lost twin brother, and impregnating myself with your DNA while you were drunk?

Maitus:  Of course!  True love knows no bounds of forgiveness!  Come here, my dear!

Jineras and Maitus:  (Move closer together until they're pressed tightly against one another, look deeply into each other's eyes, and ever so slowly move their mouths in for a kiss when-)

TV:  We interrupt this program to bring you the following breaking news.  Ryoko the Space Pirate has entered Juraian space and is raiding the homeworld itself.  The planetary defenses have all been annihilated, and the casualties are in the thousands.  Currently the brave Prince Yosho is valiantly holding her off and destroying most of the capitol city in the process, but we'll discuss that later.  We recommend that all people on Jurai find shelter or evacuate.

Tsunami:  Oh the humanity!!!  Anything but this!  Why oh why did they have to interrupt the soap opera at that precise moment?  Couldn't they have waited one more minute?  Don't they have any compassion at all?  Wait a minute, Jurai's _my_ planet!  It's under attack!  I've got to do something!  Space Pirate Ryoko, prepare to feel my divine wrath!

TV:  And here is a picture of the wanted criminal, Ryoko.  (Shows a picture of Ryoko with glowing eyes and a sadistic smile on her face with an entire city on fire behind her.)

Tsunami:  Waah!  She's scary!  What shall I do?

Sasami:  (Falls down dead right in front of Tsunami.)

Tsunami:  Well, I suppose I could resurrect this fallen princess by assimilating with her.  Of course, doing so will prevent me from facing Ryoko for a couple centuries, but I'm confident that the Masaki family can handle this.  I did give them their power, after all.  (Laughs nervously.)  Yes, that sounds like a good plan.  (Absorbs and fuses with Sasami.)

Meanwhile, back on the surface…

Ryoko:  Mwhahaha!  Impressive, Prince Yosho.  Your skill with the blade has not been exaggerated.  However, there is one thing you should know.  I'm actually left-handed.  (Summons a laser-sword in her left hand and proceeds to overpower Yosho.) 

Yosho:  (Backed into a corner.)  I see.  So that's the way the ball rolls, is it?  Very well then, I have something to tell you as well, Ryoko.  I am also left-handed!  (Tosses the sword Tenchi into his left-hand and forces Ryoko back.)

Ryoko:  Alas, I'm being forced back.  Rather than release my full power and destroy you and this entire city I think I'll retreat.  Ryo-ohki, come to me!  (Teleports onto Ryo-ohki's bridge and leaves.)

Yosho:  (Cheers.)  I am victorious!  Who's da crown prince?  Yeah!  Alas, if I stay here and assume the throne in a few thousand years when my father dies, Jurai will be torn apart by civil strife.  Whatever shall I do?  I know!  I'll pursue Ryoko across the universe and take my time doing so.  I can make up the rest as I go!  First though, I must record a romantic and memorable message for Aeka for reasons that I shan't go into right now.

So Yosho pursued Ryoko across the universe, stole her three gems, and locked her in a cave on the planet Earth which was, coincidentally enough, his mother's planet of birth.  His space tree having taken root in the planet's surface, he decided to settle down there and run a Shinto Shrine.  Aeka, being the obsessive type, took her own space tree and little sister and scoured the galaxy for her brother.  Tsunami, with Sasami being in suspended animation, started watching soap operas again as she prepared for their eventual assimilation.  Kagato was, of course, devastated by all this.

Kagato:  Hmm, Ryoko has been trapped in a cave on some backwater planet.  I guess I'll rescue her…after I finish this crossword puzzle!  The Souja needs to be washed as well, not to mention checking up on several of my experiments.  Hmm, at this rate it ought to be several centuries before I can liberate my demon.  Oh well, she'll live, and Ryoko could use a time-out…

Life continued.  Yosho got married, had a daughter, the daughter had a son, and this son he named Tenchi.  Ryoko, looking at the world through her astral self, saw this boy and fell in love with him.  Later as a teenager, Tenchi accidentally freed Ryoko from her seven hundred year imprisonment, and to thank him for this kind service she chased him around and blew up his school.  Obviously, her ideas of a romantic night were extremely skewed.

Regardless, Ryoko was free and in love with Tenchi, Aeka showed up and fell in love with Tenchi, Sasami woke up and fell in love with the kitchen, and the blonde, ditzy, but incredibly skilled and lucky Galaxy Policewoman Mihoshi crash-landed on Earth and fell in love with Tenchi.  Anyone else see a pattern here?

Moving on, Kagato finally finished his crossword puzzle and traveled to Earth to reclaim Ryoko.  Finding the two princeses of Jurai, Yosho, and the master key there as well he figured that it was a good a time as any to put an evil plan in motion and accordingly kidnapped Ryoko.  Tenchi bravely attempted to rescue her and was…killed.  Tsunami, having concentrated her attentions on Earth now that there was a real-life soap opera to keep her entertained, resurrected him so that she wouldn't lose her newest source of amusement under the pretense that she did so to save the universe from Kagato.

Kagato and Tenchi once again fought with Tenchi delivering a fatal blow to Kagato.  Kagato, being the cool villain that he is, died with a smile on his face, seemingly accepting his fate.  Washu was freed, and the Souja blew up since the episode needed a big explosion.  The hero Tenchi returned to Earth with the girls in tow and Washu desiring to perform various experiments on him.  They lived together in peace and harmony…okay, they actually lived together in strife, chaos, and discord but they did live together, having many wacky adventures.  Ryoko merged with the nanite construction Zero and became Zero Ryoko, Tokimi began searching for Washu, and the Emperor and Empresses of Jurai stopped by for a visit.  Now that this eight-page introduction is over with, the story can proceed.


	2. Z is revealed and attacks Jurai! Oh my!

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

Tokimi's Inner Sanctum 

Tokimi:  Hmmm, yes, an impressive record.  Let's see, you hunted your quarry across the galaxy and when you finally caught up with them you completely overwhelmed them, killed the elder, and was just about to annihilate the younger when he…oh, that's not good.  You seem to fall into the will-be-defeated-at-the-very-last-minute-by-an-angry-kid category.  Unfortunately, you're just not what I'm looking for in an avatar.  Be gone from my presence! 

Darth Maul:  You do not know the true power of the Dark Side!  (Stalks off.)

Tokimi:  (Sighs theatrically.)  Alas, the time of my ascension is nigh but I lack an avatar to carry out my plans.  Wherever will I find someone worthy of my power?

Hibiki Ryouga:  (Enters wearing a lost and dazed expression on his face.)  Where in the universe am I now?!!

Tokimi:  (Blinks.)  Hmm, you'll do.  Hibiki Ryouga, prepare to be transformed!

Ryouga:  (Confused.)  What?  Who are you and why are-AAAAAAAHHH!!!  (Is struck by Tokimi's power.)  Ranma, this is all your fault!!!!!!!!!!!  (Falls unconscious.)

Tokimi:  Mwhaha!  Now that I have an avatar my plans can proceed.  Arise Hibiki Ryouga, Avatar of Tokimi, and take your place by my side.  Your first mission shall be the conquest of planet Jurai!

Ryouga:  (Wakes up with five narrow and curved triangles arranged horizontally with their ends pointing down on the center of his forehead.)  But why would I want to conquer a planet?  I'm a martial artist.  It's my duty to protect people, not annex planets.

Tokimi:  (Sweatdrops.)  But…but…you're my avatar!  You're supposed to do what I say!

D3:  (Suddenly appears.)  Lady Tokimi does have a point, you know.  (Disappears.)

Ryouga:  (Blinks.)  A giant floating head just told me I should follow the orders being given by the semi-translucent top-half of a woman floating in front of me.  I don't know what's worse, no one here having a complete body or my not finding anything weird about this.

7th Shadow:  (Snickers.)

8th Shadow:  (Elbows the 7th Shadow in the side.)

Tokimi:  (Gets an idea and turns mournful eyes on Ryouga.)  Pleeeeeease, Ryouga?  It's only one tinsy winsy planet.  All I want to do is get revenge upon my sister who trapped me in the darkness outside the universe, without a single friend to keep me company.  It was dark…and cold…and lonely.  Oh, please help me!  I gave you the power of the Light Hawk Wings and even cured your Jusenkyo curse!  Surely that counts for something?  (Cries.)

Ryouga:  (Embarrassed and feeling a little guilty.)  Please…don't cry.  I'm sorry.  Oh, all right!  I'll go conquer Jurai for you.  Just stop crying already.  Man, I've really got to learn to stand up to women…(Begins to walk off.)  

Tokimi:  (Beams.)  OH THANK YOU!  Thank you very much!  You're so kind!  Hey, where are you going?  Jurai is _that_ way!  (Indicates the direction opposite from the one Ryouga's currently proceeding in.)

Ryouga:  (Sheepishly.)  It is?  Eheheh, sorry.  (Turns around and walks off in the right direction this time.)

Tokimi:  (After Ryouga has left.)  Mwhahahahahahahahaha!!!  None can resist my charms!  Soon, Tsunami, you shall feel my anger and regret the day you imprisoned me.  I shall have my revenge!  Mwhahahaha-

D3:  Lady Tokimi, you're ranting again.

Tokimi:  -hahahaha!  I don't care!  I haven't felt this good in millennia!  Mwhahaha!

Meanwhile, on Jurai…

Ryouga:  Excuse me, but is that the Palace of Jurai's throne room?  (Points at a gigantic door.)

Juraian Guard:  Why, yes it is.  Do you have an appointment?

Ryouga:  I believe so.  Check under Lady Tokimi.

Juraian Guard:  (Examines a computer screen.)  Hmm, yep, here it is.  Avatar of Lady Tokimi, scheduled for a dramatic entrance at 9 o'clock.  Go on in any time you want.  Remember, the more dramatic the better.

Ryouga:  (Considers this.)  I see.  In that case, you might want to stand back.  (Raises his left index finger and lays it against the door.)  Bakusai Tenketsu!  (Door explodes into tiny fragments, forming a dust cloud.)

Juraian Guard:  Congratulations.  Now go storm the next room and make supervillains everywhere proud.  Good luck.

Ryouga:  Thanks.  (Enters the dust cloud.)

Emperor Azusa:  (Sitting on his throne.)  Hmm, it appears that the doors have been blown up.  I can only surmise three possible explanations for this:  1. A former student of Washu's has stolen her genetically enhanced termite farm and unleashed it upon Jurai in the hopes of learning the secret behind our power.  2. Funaho's and Misaki's fanboys have pooled their resources to purchase explosives and are storming the palace for the opportunity of seeing them in person.  3. Some insanely powerful agent of an unknown but vengeful cosmic entity with a grudge against Lady Tsunami has been dispatched with orders to challenge me and conquer the planet.  Since 1 and 2 have already occurred in untold and completely unrelated side-stories I'm guessing that it must be 3.

Ryouga:  (Slowly exiting the dust cloud as melodramatic music swells.)  Emperor Azusa of Jurai, I am Hibiki Ryouga, Avatar of Lady Tokimi and instrument of her vengeance.  I have come before you with an ultimatum:  surrender the planet of Jurai or face defeat by my hands.  Know this, however:  my power is far beyond yours for the very power of Jurai that flows through your veins Tokimi is free to dispense with as she pleases.  Against the might of Lady Tokimi you are but a mote and stand not a chance.

Lady Misaki:  (Claps)  That was very menacing and dramatic of you!  I'm scared.  Great job!  You should be an actor, you know.  Does Lady Tokimi give you paid vacations?  Perhaps you could pursue it in your free time-

Lady Funaho:  Misaki, I don't think now is an appropriate time for this.  He is going to try to defeat our husband and conquer our empire, after all.

Lady Misaki:  But stuff like that happens all the time Funaho!  Why, it was just a couple months ago that Yume-

Lady Funaho:  Silence, Misaki.  We're not supposed to discuss the manga.  This story is based on the OAV animated series, and if the author includes the manga as cannon he'll have to accept the True Tenchi Novels as cannon too to be fair, and if he does that he'll have to go back and completely rewrite Kagato's origin.

Minagi:  (Suddenly appears for no apparent reason.)  Oh phooey!  And here I was hoping that I'd get to play a major role in this story.  Alas, the life of a noble space pirate is fraught with peril and disappointment.

Ibara:  (Also appears for no apparent reason.)  At least you've been featured in several fanfictions, and at your worst you can always leech off of Ryoko's popularity since you are her daughter and all.  I, on the other hand, only have a significant role in _one_ fanfiction, according to my count.  

Minagi:  Well, yeah, but you're just an adult Tenchi clone.  You really shouldn't expect too much.

Ibara:  (Angrily.)  I'm not a Tenchi clone!  Our resemblance is purely coincidental!  I use a staff, and he uses a sword!  I was even born more than 700 years before him!

Emperor Azusa:  Ahem.  (Clears throat to get everyone's attention.)  If the lot of you are done breaking the fourth wall, I have a challenge to accept and a response to give.

Ibara:  My apologies, your majesty.  It's just that it really ticks me off when people call me a Tenchi clone.

Emperor Azusa:  Don't worry, I understand perfectly.  If I was compared to that peasant on a regular basis I'd be upset too.  Hmmm…(Ponders.)  You wouldn't be interested in marrying Aeka, would you?  You're of good enough blood, and it seems that the audience expects me to throw various suitors at my eldest daughter in an attempt to prevent Tenchi from becoming the heir to the throne.  I might as well get that character requirement out of the way now.

Ibara:  I'd be honored, you majesty, but I'm not over Ryoko yet.  Ask me again in a couple of centuries if both Aeka and I are still single.

Lady Misaki:  (Appears less than a foot in front of him and glaring at him angrily and scarily.)  Are you saying that my dear, sweet, little Aeka isn't good enough for you?!!

Ryouga:  Why do I get the feeling that I'm being completely ignored here?

Ibara:  (Sweatdrops.)  Ah ha ha, Minagi, some help, please?

Minagi:  (Looks and sees the predicament that he's in.)  Oh, all right, but only because you're a friend of mother.  (Teleports beside him, grabs him by the arm, and they both disappear.)

Lady Funaho:  Well that was certainly diverting.

Emperor Azusa:  Indeed.  The author managed to fill almost an entire page with that segment.  Now, where was I?  Ah yes, I remember now.  (Stands up from his throne and looks straight at Ryouga.)  Vile trespasser, your words and actions shall not be treated with impunity.  You have dared to challenge the ruler of Jurai.  Prepare to feel the consequences of such actions.  

Ryouga:  So, it is a fight you desire then.  Heh, far be it from me to disappoint.  Your defeat is imminent.  (To the Juraian guard stationed outside.)  How am I doing so far?

Juraian Guard:  All right, I guess.  A few of your lines could've been better though.  Also, you didn't laugh maniacally.

Ryouga:  (Blinks.)  Was I supposed to?

Lady Misaki:  (Enthusiastically.)  But of course!  It's part of the job!  How many villainous henchmen do you know that don't laugh maniacally every now and then anyway?

Ryouga:  Well, there's-

Lady Misaki:  Forget I asked.  Besides, shouldn't you and my husband be trying to beat each other into senseless bloody pulps right now?  Shame!

Ryouga:  (Sweatdrops.)  This isn't exactly how I imagined this happening…

Emperor Azusa:  (Sighs.)  You get used to it after awhile.  (Summons a sword.)  Let the gratuitous violence commence.  (Attacks Ryouga.)

Ladies Funaho and Misaki:  (Now wearing cheerleading uniforms and waving pompoms.)  Give us an A!  Give us a Z!  Give us a U!  An S!  Another A!  What does that spell?  AZUSA!  Go Azusa!  Crush the infidel!

Ryouga:  And I thought Nerima was weird.  (Blocks, counterattacks, and dodges until a pretty good fight is underway.  Surprisingly, Azusa seems to be winning until-)  Most impressive, Emperor of Jurai, but not nearly good enough.  Feel my true power!  (Generates 5 light hawk wings and a light hawk umbrella.)

Emperor Azusa:  (Incredulously.)  A light hawk umbrella?  What's next:  light hawk canes?  Light hawk wristwatches?  I know, how about a light hawk yo-yo!  What is the universe coming to… 

Ryouga:  (Smiles grimly.)  That is for Lady Tokimi to decide.  Prepare to fall.  SHI…SHI…HOUKOUDAN!!!  (A blast of acidic green light is shot from the center of Ryouga's light hawk wings at Azusa.)  

Emperor Azusa:  D*mn.  (Gets blown into a wall and falls unconscious.)

Ryouga:  Now that the king has fallen, Jurai is Tokimi's!  Praise be to her name!  (Frowns.)  These out of character statements are really beginning to annoy me.  Ranma, I don't know how yet, but somehow this is all your fault!

Lady Funaho:  (Wearing her royal robes once again.)  I hate to interrupt your…rant, but I was wondering what you're planning on doing with us.

Ryouga:  What am I planning on doing with you two?  (Thinks about this question for a moment.)  Hmm, I guess I'll lock you in the dungeon.  (Turns his head to speak to the Juraian Guard outside the broken door.)  There is a dungeon here, right?

Juraian Guard:  Well duh!  What kind of galactic monarchy would the Masaki family be if their palace didn't have a dungeon?

Lady Misaki:  (Also wearing her royal robes again and with an irate expression on her face.)  LOCK US UP IN THE DUNGEON?!!  (In true anime fashion, as Misaki approaches Ryouga in anger she seems to grow larger and larger while Ryouga appears to shrink.  When she finally reaches Ryouga, Misaki is towering over him.)  HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR TRADITION?!!

Ryouga:  (Frightened even though he still has 5 light hawk wings protecting him.)  Well, what would you have me do?  Killing you would be dishonorable and suicidal when one takes into account your legions of fanboys on this planet.

Lady Misaki:  (Returns to normal size with a sweet and innocent expression on her face.)  Well, typically if someone were to defeat our husband and conquer Jurai they'd do this to us…(Whispers several things into his left ear that, since this story is rated PG-13, cannot be detailed.)

Ryouga:  (Now beat red with a nosebleed and appearing a little wobbly.)  That's…sick.  Why would anyone want to do that?

Lady Misaki:  (Angry and towering over Ryouga again.)  ARE YOU SAYING I'M NOT SEXY?!!

Ryouga:  (Sweatdrops and, realizing that he has been backed into a corner, carefully considers what response he should give when he's saved by the hordes of Misaki and Funaho fanboys.)

Misaki and Funaho Fanboys:  (Trample over Ryouga as they rush into the throne room.)  Ladies Misaki and Funaho, as soon as we heard that Azusa had been defeated and that your very lives were at stake, we assembled from all corners of the Empire to come to your rescue!  Come, we'll take you to our hidden base where you'll be under our 'personal' protection and where you can 'reward' us for our loyalty and valor!

Lady Funaho:  Oh no, they've found us!  Quick, grab Azusa and let's go Misaki!  (Runs away.)

Lady Misaki:  Right behind you Funaho!  (Grabs Azusa, drapes him over her right shoulder, and runs after Funaho.)

Misaki and Funaho Fanboys:  They're running away!  Obviously all the excitement and our presence have overwhelmed their delicate sensibilities.  Regardless, it is our enviable duty as loyal Juraians to protect them.  After them!  (Leave in pursuit of the two Queens.)

Ryouga:  (Picks himself off of the floor.)  (Weakly.)  You'd think my superhuman endurance and light hawk wings would've protected me from that.  Oh well, at least one problem is solved.  Medic.  (Falls back onto the floor.)


	3. Rollcall and Sasami's Prophetic Dream

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

At that exact same time but at the Masaki Shrine on Earth…

Tenchi:  (Plowing the carrot field and speaking in an angry tone.)  Tenchi, plow the field.  Tenchi, help Washu in the lab.  Tenchi, practice your swordsmanship in the freezing cold rain while evading the lightning that will try to strike you as I calmly observe your progress comfortably from the house.  Why do I put up with all this?  Can't Grandpa ever give me a break?  (Sets his hoe on the ground.)  Well, I'm not going to take this any longer!  I'm going to stand up to him for a change!  Next time I see him I'll-

Grandpa Katsuhito:  Tenchi, you aren't slacking off are you?

Tenchi:  Aaah!  (Grabs his hoe and resumes plowing the field with alacrity.)  Not at all Grandpa!  (Smiles brightly.)  I was just taking a moment to admire the sky and appreciate what a beautiful day it is today, just like you taught me!

Katsuhito:  Hmmm…(Turns around and heads back to the house.  Before Tenchi can breathe a sigh of relief he stops and turns his head to look back at him.)  Be that as it may, don't think that the beauty of this day will get you out of your afternoon practice with me.  As a matter of fact, I think I'll extend practice an hour later than usual today.  

Tenchi:  But why Grandpa?!  I have things I want to do today!

Katsuhito:  (Does his mysterious old man act.)  Trust me, Tenchi.  I sense an ill wind blowing, and I fear that if you're not ready we'll all fall.

Tenchi:  You said the exact same thing last week, and the only intruder we found was that friendly door-to-door salesman!

Katsuhito:  (Shudders.)  Have I taught you nothing, boy?  Never underestimate the power of a friendly door-to-door salesman!  Doing so could lead to your own downfall!  (Leaves.)

Tenchi:  (Goes back to plowing the carrot patch.)  Why me?

Inside the House…

Ryoko:  (Holding a spoon laden with baby food and facing Mayuka.)  See the spaceship?  It's yummy!  Here comes the spaceship!  (Tries to feed Mayuka the baby food.)

Mayuka:  Gogogaga!  (Seeing Ryoko's lack of reaction, she shoots her with an energy blast.)

Ryoko:  (Singed.)  This seems strangely familiar somehow…

Sasami:  Lunch is ready!  Hey Ryoko, do you know where my sister is?

Ryoko:  I think she's (Coughs.) outside.

Outside on the Shrine Steps…

Aeka:  (Raking leafs.)  Oh Lord Tenchi, how I wish I were bold enough to tell you how I truly feel.  Day after day I watch you and protect you from that…monster woman, keeping my agonizing silence and wishing that you'd return my love.  Then we would go to Jurai and-(The Yagami appears overhead.)  Oh no, not again.  Everyone take cover!

Mihoshi:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!

Kiyone:  Mihoshi you idiot!  What did you do this time?!!

Mihoshi:  I'M SOOOOOOOOOORRYYYYYYYYY KIIIYOOONEEEEE!!!

Yukinojo:  (Sighs.)  Impact in 5 seconds.  Once again we're going to hit the lake, surprise of surprises.

Yagami:  (Nosedives into the lake.)  **SWHOOM!    **

Washu:  (Heading towards the lake.)  Once again my brilliant intellect is required to extricate Mihoshi and Kiyone from the predicament the former put them in.  The work of a super genius is never done!  (Pulls out her holographic computer from her pocket dimension and presses a red button.  The Yagami slowly rises out of the lake and is gently lowered onto the ground.)

Washu Puppet A:  (Appears on Washu's right shoulder.)  You're a genius Washu!

Washu Puppet B:  (Appears on Washu's left shoulder.)  You're the greatest Washu!

Washu:  I am, aren't I?  Hahahaha!

Later...

Tenchi:  (Sitting at the dining table with the rest of his 'family'.)  This rice is great Sasami!  (Takes another bite.)  

Aeka:  Indeed.  (A tad jealously.)  Your talent in the kitchen is amazing, sister.

Sasami:  (Laughs.)  Think nothing of it!  I'm just glad that we can all get together as one happy family!  (A gloomy expression briefly crosses her face before her usual cheerful expression reasserts itself.)

Kiyone:  (Noticed Sasami's temporary frown.)  Hey, Sasami, are you all right?

Sasami:  (Still smiling.)  I'm great.  Just had a bad dream is all.  (Remembers her dream...)

Darkness, utter and complete.  Sasami is in the center of it, looking around her in fear.  Occasional flashes of Tokimi, Tsunami, and Adult Washu appear.  Kagato rides by on a bicycle, rings the bell, and turns to wave before crashing into the Souja.  An outline of 3 light hawk wings surrounding him are briefly discerned as he, the bicycle, and Souja all fade away.

Suddenly Jurai appears in brilliant clarity, clouds swirling.  The planet spins faster and faster as a dark cloud envelops it.  Soon it is completely covered in darkness.  Sasami screams, and the sound of her panic reverberates throughout the environment as she too falls into the darkness.

Time passes.  A dim light appears.  Following it, Sasami eventually finds herself heading towards a bar counter.  Two figures are sitting in stools and drinking from crystal cups.  The first one is Ryouga, and the second is Ifurita (from the TV series).  The two seem to be carrying on a pretty loud conversation.

Ryouga:  (Takes a sip of his drink.)  And then she ordered me to obtain all the candy on the planet!  Of course, she didn't give me any money at all, and I ended up having to pawn who knows how much of my stuff to afford it all!  What does she need with all that candy anyway?  You'd think she hadn't had any sweets in thousands of years the way she's acting.

Ifurita:  (Takes a sip of her own drink.)  I know just how you feel!  Why, the last time Master Jinnai ordered me to destroy a city, the people wouldn't evacuate!  Do you realize how difficult it is to annihilate an entire city with people still there?  I had to do it building by building, moving everyone out of them individually!  You'd think that after the first five blew up people would get the message, but no!  They refused to leave!  And then the three priestesses showed up!  All in all it took me over 12 hours to finish the job!

Ryouga:  (Takes another sip of his drink.)  Yeah, it's those unreasonable demands that really bug me!  Steal this, destroy that, conquer this.  The way they carry about you'd think they want us to kill people and commit crimes or something.

Ifurita:  (Laughs.)  That's a silly idea!  They'd never want us to do something so…not nice!

Ryouga:  (Laughs too.)  Yeah, what _was_ I thinking?

Ifurita:  (Conspiratorially.)  But you know what bothers me the most?  The maniacal laughter!  (Impersonates Jinnai's laugh.)

Ryouga:  (Winces.)  Yikes!  That _is_ bad!  That's even worse than Kodachi's laughter!  The only time I've heard laughter more disturbing than that was when…(Begins a flashback.)

Ifurita:  (Whacks Ryouga over the head with her staff.)  No double-flashbacks!  (Flashback sequence dissolves.)

Ryouga:  (Rubs the back of his head with his right hand and speaks in a puzzled tone.)  We're already in a flashback?  I thought this was a dream.

Ifurita:  Actually, it's a memory of a dream.  Therefore, it's technically a flashback.

Ryouga:  Really?  Then that means my target must be around here somewhere.  (Swivels around in his stool and spots Sasami.)  Ah, there she is!  (Puts down his drink, gets off his stool, and stands up.)  Well, Ifurita, it's been fun.  You brew a great cup of tea.

Ifurita:  (Waves.)  I had a fun time too Ryouga!  Good luck with your life and remember:  good is bad and evil is nice!  Bye!  (Disappears with the drinks of tea, stools, and the counter.)

Ryouga:  (Facing Sasami and reading a slip of paper.)  Frighten little girl.  (Looks up.)  How am I supposed to do that without being dishonorable?  (Faces Sasami.)  Er, hi!  Er…boo!  Boogaboogabooga!  (Notices Sasami's extremely unafraid expression.)  Mmmm, maybe this will work.  (A potent, frightening, and dark bluish green aura springs into existence around him, its edges seemingly clawing and grasping at the air.  5 light hawk wings appear, circling in front of him.  The triangular tattoos on his forehead now pulsating with the same color of his aura, a light hawk umbrella materializes in his outstretched left hand.  The entire dreamscape is now shuddering from the power Ryouga's releasing.)  Mwhahaha!  My lady's day is dawning, young vassal!  Soon the universe shall know and respect the name of Lady To-  (The dreamscape explodes.)

Sasami:  (Wakes up screaming.)  Aaaaaah!  (Looks around her and realizes that she's in her bed.)  Just…(Breathes heavily.)…a dream.

Ryouga:  (The sound of his voice is just barely audible.)  Well, I guess that worked.

Flashback sequence ends.

Noboyuki:  (Curiously as he puts down his drink.)  In a completely unrelated tangent, what continuity does this story take place in?  It appears to be the OAV series after the second Tenchi movie, Manatsu no Eve a.k.a The Daughter of Darkness, but Washu's puppets from the TV series have made an appearance.

Mihoshi:  (Gasps.)  Why would Washu mess up continuity like that?  (Stops eating and points her right index finger at Washu.)  Shame!

Washu:  (Laughs nervously.)  Hehehe…it's not that serious an offense!  Besides, these puppets are great!  

WashuA:  Thanks Washu!  You're the best!

WashuB:  The best of the best!

Washu:  (Smiles.)  See what I mean?  Besides, why'd you even bring it up?  Not many people would care about the addition of two puppets.

Noboyuki:  Do you realize how few lines I have in this story?  It was either mention the puppets or sit through breakfast being almost completely ignored and silent, and Dad is already doing that.  (Casts an apologetic look at Katsuhito who glares back.)  At any rate, to make sure that there aren't any other non-canonical elements present I suggest-

Washu:  (Interrupts.)  -using my new interdimensional positronic nuclear spatial continuity checker!  Mwhahahaha!  I'm such a genius!

Noboyuki:  Actually, I was going to suggest a-

Katsuhito:  (Also interrupts.)  -roll-call.  (Grins smugly at Noboyuki's annoyed expression.)

Noboyuki:  (Irritably.)  Yes, as I was about to say before Dad stole my line, I suggest we perform a roll-call.  That way we'll know who is and isn't here.  When I call your name say something so I'll know you're here.  Tenchi?

Tenchi:  Here.

Noboyuki:  Katsuhito, also known as Yosho?

Katsuhito:  (Sarcastically.)  Oh joy, another line.  I'm being unusually verbose today.

Noboyuki:  (Rolls his eyes.)  Sasami?

Sasami:  (Cheerfully.)  Present!

Noboyuki:  Washu?

Washu:  Alas, the greatest scientific genius in the universe is reduced to being party to such a primitive method of ascertaining the logic and sensibility of this fanfiction universe when it's obvious that the best solution is-

Noboyuki:  (Cutting Washu off.)  I'll take that as a yes.  Mihoshi?

Mihoshi:  All your base are belong to us!

Noboyuki:  …O-kay.  That made little sense.  Ryo-ohki?

Ryo-ohki:  Miya!

Noboyuki:  Azaka and Kamidake?

Azaka:  We are-

Kamidake:  -here.

Noboyuki:  Aeka?

Aeka:  Present.

Noboyuki:  Ryoko?

Ryoko:  Here and at my darling Tenchi's side!  (Teleports next to Tenchi and glomps him.)

Aeka:  (Angrily.)  Release Lord Tenchi from your despicable clutches you monster woman!  (Summons logs.  The typical Aeka/Ryoko battle commences.)

Noboyuki:  (Sighs.)  While those two are fighting I might as well move on.  Hmm, the regulars seem to be taken care of.  I guess I'll list movie and non-OAV next.  Kiyone?

Kiyone:  (Sighs.)  Yes, I'm here and stuck on this planet with Mihoshi as my partner…(Continues rant.)

Noboyuki:  (Quietly and to himself.)  As if we hadn't all heard that a dozen times before.  (Louder.)  Mayuka?

Mayuka:  Waah!

Noboyuki:  (Smiles.)  Awww, that's my cute little granddaughter!  Now, how about Sakuya?

Silence.

Noboyuki:  I guess she's not in this story.  How about Yugi?

More silence.

Noboyuki:  Hmm, it appears that this fanfiction doesn't contain any elements of Tenchi in Tokyo also known as Shin Tenchi at all.  I know some people will be happy about that.  How about the human versions of Azaka and Kamidake?

More silence.

Noboyuki:  Apparently there's no need for knights here.  (Laughs at his joke.)  Well, that appears to be about everyone-

Little blonde girl:  Hey, you forgot about me!

Noboyuki:  (Surprised.)  Did I?  Who are you?

Little blonde girl:  (Laughs maniacally.)  I am…the magical girl of love and ambition, Pixy Misa!  Wahaha!  And animal familiar, Rumiya!  (A purple bird lands on her left shoulder.)

Rumiya:  (Waves his left wing.)  Hi!

Noboyuki:  I see.  Washu, what have you done this time?

Washu:  Why am I the suspect here?

Kiyone:  Who else has the means to transport a character from the Magical Project S series here?

Washu:  Point.  Okay, maybe one of my experiments with the transdimensional locater didn't go exactly as planned, but how was I supposed to know this would happen?  Besides, what's the worst that could happen?  (A wall falls down.  Silhouetted by the bright light of day is a young and blonde female adolescent wearing a sailor fuku and followed by a white cat.) 

Blonde adolescent:  I am Sailor Venus, and in the name of love and the planet Venus (Poses dramatically throughout her speech.) I shall punish you!  I'm the magical girl of love, not you!

Pixy Misa:  Mwhahaha!  Let's take this outside little girl!

Rumiya:  You're going down cat!

Artemis:  Don't forget where you stand on the food chain bird!  (They all go outside.)

Washu:  (Blinks rapidly for a moment as lengthy speeches, flashing lights, love-love monsters, and magical attacks are seen and heard outside.  Realization suddenly dawns and she bangs her head against the table.)  D*mn it, I should've known better than to say 'what's the worst that could happen?'  Whenever something like that is said, the worst _does_ happen!  

WashuA:  An innocent mistake, Washu!

WashuB:  Even the best can err at times!

WashuA:  You're still the greatest Washu!

WashuB:  The greatest!

Washu:  Thanks puppets!

Noboyuki:  (Glumly.)  Well, now that I've had my several lines of dialogue I'll just have to resign myself to being practically nonexistent for the rest of the story.  (Sighs.)  Such is the life of the main character's father…

Mihoshi:  Did someone just say something?  

Noboyuki:  Arrgh!  Come Azaka and Kamidake, since we're just going to be ignored for the rest of the story we might as well enjoy our insignificance.  Let's go to town.  That way we can avoid the destruction, combat, and mayhem that should be descending any minute now AND see a movie!  (They leave.)

Tenchi:  (Takes another bite of his rice, doing his best to ignore the battling Ryoko and Aeka behind him.)  So Kiyone, anything of importance happen in the galaxy lately that will probably involve us in some large and significant event and span 6 OAV episodes?

Kiyone:  (Thoughfully.)  Well, I did overhear some rumors about a cosmic entity's chance to break into this universe coming up soon.  I also heard something about Jurai being conquered by a single individual with absolutely no sense of direction who bought all the chocolate on the planet and banned the eating of porcine species.  (Smiles artificially.)  Of course, these two tidbits of information are so improbable that they are probably false, and even if they're not they're almost certainly unrelated.

Tenchi:  (Laughs good-naturedly.)  Yeah, you're right.  What are the odds of any of us getting caught up in something like that?

Washu:  (Takes out her computer and inputs several calculations.)  I'd say 1.0000000001 to 1.


	4. Guess who's coming to dinner?

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

The doorbell rings.

Mihoshi:  I'll get it!  (Walks around the still battling Aeka and Ryoko and heads for the door, somehow avoiding all the energy discharges and floating logs as only Mihoshi can.  She opens the door.  Kagato is on the other side.)  Hi!  I'm Mihoshi!  Welcome to the Masaki Residence!  Say, you look awfully familiar.  Have we met somewhere before?

Kagato:  (Sweatdrops.)  Well, I did kill Tenchi once and almost succeeded in capturing Tsunami.  Does that ring any bells?

Mihoshi:  (Thinks for a moment.)  Oh, I remember you now!

Kagato:  Good.  In that case I'll-

Mihoshi:  You're Mr. Kazuma the chef and restaurant owner!

Kagato:  (Left eyebrow twitches.)  No, I'm not.

Mihoshi:  Oh, then you must be his son Kazuma Kagato!  My, how you've grown!  Why, it was just a few months ago that you were competing against Sasami in that junior cooking contest!

Kagato:  (Staring at Mihoshi incredulously.)  You really are overworked.  Look, I am Kagato, former student of Washu and destroyer of ruins.  I have personally destroyed several colonies and planets, stolen countless precious artifacts, and forced Ryoko to eradicate and appropriate many more.  I am wanted across the universe and am an A-class criminal.  

Mihoshi:  (Still smiling.)  Nope, that still doesn't sound familiar.

Kagato:  (Blinks furiously.)  I said your performance stinks during our first encounter.

Mihoshi:  (Frowns and gasps.)  Wait a minute, you're the A-class criminal Kagato, wanted across the universe for destruction of ruins and space piracy!  

Kagato:  (Rolls his eyes.)  Finally illumination dawns!  Now, if you would-

Mihoshi:  But you're dead!  Tenchi sliced you in half with his sword!

Kagato:  I got better.  Now, would you please invite me in?  What I'm about to say concerns the continued existence of the entire universe.

Mihoshi:  Well, I don't know.  It's not even my house-

Kagato:  (Interrupts.)  As much as it pains me to say this, please?

Mihoshi:  (Smiles brightly.)  Alright!  Since you asked politely and all…

Kagato:  (Blinks.)  What, that's it?  You're letting me, one of the most wanted and dangerous criminals in the universe, inside just because I said please?

Mihoshi:  (Nods her head.)  That's right.

Kagato:  (Spluttering.)  But…but…that's ridiculous!  This could all be a brilliant and dastardly plan on my part to kidnap and/or kill certain members of the Masaki household, and you're letting me in merely because I was polite?

Mihoshi:  (Innocently.)  I don't understand what you're getting so excited about.  What were you expecting?

Kagato:  …To be exceptionally frank, I assumed that to gain an audience with Tenchi I'd have to battle my way past legions of Washu Security Bots-

Mihoshi:  They're in for an overhaul.

Kagato:  -, maneuver around several devious traps-

Mihoshi:  The spikes were rusty, the lasers needed repairs, the bombs required new fuses, and the quantum singularities were bought by Paramount Pictures.

Kagato:  -, engage in an impressive, destructive, and drawn-out battle with Yosho-

Mihoshi:  He's eating lunch right now.  Besides, he's been complaining about his back lately.

Kagato:  -, walk in on someone during an embarrassing moment since this is a comedy-

Mihoshi:  You could try again in another fifteen minutes.

Kagato:  -, and finally get almost beaten into a bloody pulp by Ryoko, saved only by the mercy of this household.

Mihoshi:  She's busy fighting Aeka right now, though I'm sure that if you ask she'll be more than happy to oblige you once she and Aeka are finished.

Kagato:  Indeed.  (Sighs.)  Well, this entrance may lack the dramatic flair that I prefer, but mad scientists can't be choosy.  (Steps inside the house.)  So…where is Tenchi?

Mihoshi:  He's in the dining room.  Follow me.  (They head towards and enter the kitchen.)

Ryoko is about to teleport to avoid one of Aeka's energy blasts when she sees Kagato and freezes in shock.  The energy blast hits her and sends her flying through the roof.  Washu notices Kagato and spits out her food in shock.  Sasami spots Kagato and drops a dish in shock.  Tenchi's mouth hangs open in shock.  Ryo-ohki falls off the table in shock.  Aeka screams in shock.  Kiyone is shocked by everyone's reactions (She doesn't recognize Kagato.)  They were all shocked, except for Katsuhito who was merely surprised and raised an eyebrow in inquiry.

Mihoshi:  Hey everyone, guess who I found!

Kagato:  I think they recognize me.

Mihoshi:  Really?  How can you tell?

Kagato:  (Sweatdrops.)  How did you ever become a detective 1st class?

Kiyone:  (Under her breath.)  That's what I'd like to know.  (Louder.)  Who are you-

Tenchi:  Ka-ka-ka-kagato!  What are you doing here?  I killed you!

Aeka:  Yeah, and I was there!

Washu:  …Kagato?  Why have you come back?

Kiyone:  Wait a minute!  Kagato, as in A-class criminal Kagato, the destroyer of ruins?  (Everyone nods his or her heads.  Stars appear in Kiyone's eyes.  She speaks quietly to herself.)  If I arrest and bring him in I'll be sure to get a promotion!  I'll finally be free of (Shudders.) Mihoshi.  (Talks louder and commandingly.)  A-class criminal Kagato, you're under arrest!  You have the right to remain-

Ryoko:  (Flies back into the room with a massive ball of energy forming between her outstretched hands.)  KAGATO!!!  PREPARE TO DIE!!!

Kagato:  Now now, Ryoko.  You have every right to be mad, but let's not be-  (Ryoko launches her energy attack.  Everyone except for Kagato takes cover.)  

**BOOM!!!   **

The dining room is devastated.  Dust, ashes, and wood chips are everywhere.  Surprisingly, Tenchi, Kiyone, Mihoshi, Sasami, Aeka, Katsuhito, Washu, and Ryoko look none the worse for wear except for some soot stains.  The space Kagato was standing in is now completely obscured by a dust cloud.  

Tenchi:  …I'll go get the wood, hammer, and nails.  Dad's not going to be pleased about having to fix his house once again.

Washu:  Well, that was certainly excessive of you, daughter of mine.

Kiyone:  NOOOO!  My promotion…gone!

Mihoshi:  Don't worry Kiyone!  You'll always have me!

Kiyone:  (Stares at Mihoshi for a moment.  Sobs.)

Aeka:  Ryoko, look what you've done to the house.  Apologize at once!

Ryoko:  Oh shut up Aeka!  It's not like I didn't have a good rea-

The dust cloud obscuring Kagato is blown away revealing a completely unharmed Kagato with three light hawk wings circling in front of him.

Sasami:  Just like in my dream…

Aeka:  I don't believe this!

Ryoko:  Curses.  This could make things more difficult.

Kiyone:  Light hawk wings?  But I thought that…

Mihoshi:  Kiyone, I'm scared!  (Holds onto her tightly.)

Washu:  Aargh!  How could Kagato duplicate light hawk wings before me?  Has he learned the secret of Jurai?  No, he couldn't.  There's no way.  There's no way he can be smarter than me, Washu, the greatest scientific genius in the universe!  No way…

Tenchi:  Aaah!  What should I do?

Katsuhito:  Tenchi, remember you're training!

Tenchi:   But Grandpa, you never covered anything like this during our training!

Katsuhito:  …Use the force Tenchi!

Tenchi:  (Blinks.)  What are you talking about Grandpa?  What force?

Katsuhito:  I would explain more but dare not for fear of bring the wrath of LucasArts down upon us.  (Shudders.)   

Kagato:  (Grins sinisterly.)  Now that I have demonstrated my new powers, I would appreciate being given a chance to explain the current situation to all of you before you try to attack me again.  I assure you that all of us, including the entire universe and myself, are in grave peril.  

Ryoko:  (Angry and practically snarling.)  I say we beat the information out of him!

Washu:  And how, pray tell, do you propose to do that, little Ryoko?  He has light hawk wings.  You don't.  Let's just hear him out.  If we don't like what we hear then I'll just toss him into a convenient blackhole.

Kagato:  Thank you, I think.  At any rate, I have come to warn you of a dreadful danger that threatens us all.

Mihoshi:  Isn't this the third time you've said that?

Kagato:  (Sighs.)  I'm trying to be melodramatic.  Please, no more interruptions until after I've finished speaking.  Continuing my story, after my 'death' at Tenchi's hands (Glares at Tenchi for a moment.  Tenchi grins back nervously.) my consciousness traveled to a back-up base of mine where a sample of my dna and a cloning chamber awaited.  Having discovered enough about Jurai energy and the light hawk wings from that battle on the Souja which several scientific instruments had been monitoring, I then proceeded to alter my genetic structure to enable light hawk generation.  Hence my current ability.  I could bore you for quite some time with the scientific details but since only Washu would understand what I'm saying I won't even bother.  Moving on, as I recovered and learned how to use my light hawk wings I became aware of a great disturbance in the space/time continuum.  Investigating further, I learned that something incredibly powerful and ancient was attempting to enter this dimension, and that a rare alignment of the stars that occurs about once every 500,000 years and is scheduled to happen extremely soon will grant this entity just the freedom she desires if the proper rites are performed.

Kiyone:  In other words, you died, came to back to life with light hawk wings, and learned that a cosmic entity is trying to enter this universe.

Kagato:  (Irritated that Kiyone condensed his lengthy exposition into one sentence.)  Yes, to summarize rather bluntly.  It behooves us to prevent this event from coming to pass, for if this creature succeeds in entering the universe Tsunami shall be toppled, the status quo permanently changed, and disco will make a comeback.  

Katsuhito:  Indeed this is an evil of evils.  I no longer need wonder what has motivated you to inform us of this and help.

Kagato:  (Lacking real feeling.)  Oh, I can assure you that I've had an epiphany.  I've renounced my former 'evil' ways and turned over a new leaf.  My scientific genius shall only be used in the pursuit of truth, love, and justice.  

Ryoko:  …(Blinks.)

Kagato:  (Sighs.)  In case you haven't deduced it yet, the writer is determined to make me one of the good guys in this story.  I'm not any happier about this than you are, Ryoko, but neither of us have much choice in the matter.

Ryoko:  Drat!  This means I can't kill you!  

Aeka:  Drat, Ryoko?  What happened to your foul mouth, vile monster woman?  (Puts her right hand on her forehead and closes her eyes.)  I really need to think of new insults.

Washu:  I can answer this one.  You see-

Yume:  (Suddenly appears and pushes Washu aside.)  Sorry Washu, but this sounds like a job for the greatest super genius in the whole universe!  That being me, of course.  

Tenchi:  Yume, what are you doing here?  You're a manga character.

Yume:  That didn't stop Minagi and Ibara, and if the clones can get in then I, with my superior intelligence, can as well!  Mwhahahaha!  Anyway, back to my explanation.  (A chalkboard with pictures of the TV rating system and various diagrams appears behind her.  Pointing at it with a baton she beings.)  You see, puny earthlings, the culture of the large continent lying between the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans of this planet has what is termed a 'rating system'.  Films, the written word, television, heck – practically every non-physical form of entertainment, must be graded according to its content.  The more suitable for children a panel of judges finds the product to be, the lower its rating.  Since the author of this story wants to keep the rating low, swear words will be few and far apart.

Washu:  (Gets back on her feet.)  Yume, how dare you steal one of my lines!  

Yume:  (The chalkboard and baton disappear.)  Oh, get over yourself Washu!  It was only one line, and it's not like you don't have a hundred more in other fanfics.  I, on the other hand, seem to share the same fate as the other manga characters:  appearing sporadically in the mangas and with the occasional reference and appearance in a story.  This despite- (Sees Kagato and smiles.)  Why hello Kaggie!  Long time no see.  You still owe me 500 jurai by the way.

Kagato:  Since I died before the manga and you are technically not supposed to be in this continuity, I do not acknowledge your existence.  Therefore, any debts that would exist between us if your life and character were accepted as canonical are unreal and nonexistent.

Kiyone:  In other words, he's saying he doesn't owe you anything.

Kagato:  (Glares at her.)  Will you stop doing that?  By summarizing my verbose responses you're lessening the dramatic impact they have.

Kiyone:  Consider it payback for your 5,000-year crime spree.

Yume:  Hey, as a former villain who came a lot closer to conquering Jurai than Kagato did, let me add, I must agree with him.  Repeating his phrases in simpler terms is just plain mean!  It would be comparable to someone mocking your "You have the right to remain silent" spiel.  By the way, I'm not letting you escape from your debts that easily Kagato.  Hishima, beat him up!

Hishima:  (Walks into the room with a powerful and dignified stride.)  Master Yume, could you please reword that request?  "Beat him up," is so…primitive and crude a command.  "Defeat the villainous scientist" or "Show this criminal the error of his ways" are much more likeable to my ears.

Yume:  (Sighs.)  Why I ever programmed a code of honor into your mind I'll never know.  (Collects herself.)  All right then Hishima, I command you to exact retribution from Kagato.

Hishima:  Thank you Master Yume.  (Takes off his cloak and faces Kagato.)  Kagato, prepare to feel the vengeance of Master Yume!  

Kagato:  (Rests his head on his right hand.)  Today just isn't going the way I planned…

The two square off, each one sizing the other up.  A tumbleweed blows by, despite the lack of wind.  A tense moment of silence ensues as the Tenchi 'family' and Yume fade into the background.  Hishima is just getting ready to make the first move when-

**BOOM!!!   **


	5. Tremble because it's the overly dramatic...

Title: Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author: Rowan Seven

Teaser: Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion! Will Washu regain her memories? Will Tenchi grow a spine? Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help? Can Kagato be a good guy? Will the universe be saved? All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC. Other characters belong to their respective creators. I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes: This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

The wall separating the dining room from the outside explodes, showering the people inside with shards of wood.  Standing on what would've been the other side of the wall if it had still existed and with a finger extended is Ryouga.

Tenchi:  Two walls down, two to go.  Dad's _really_ not going to be happy about this…

Ryouga:  Um, is the Masaki Residence?    

Mihoshi:  Why, yes it is!  You wouldn't happen to be a door-to-door salesman by any chance, would you?

Ryouga:  (Sweatdrops.)  No miss, I'm not.  To be altogether honest, I'm a wandering martial artist recently conscripted into the service of a cosmic entity whose first order was for me to conquer Jurai.  Having successfully completed that mission, I've now been ordered to kidnap a member of the Masaki Residence so that the lot of you will be forced to mount a heroic rescue effort, the attempt culminating in a battle for the fate of the universe in my lady's sanctuary.  

Yume:  (Her watch beeps.  She looks at the time.)  Drat!  Under normal circumstances I'd hang around, assist in the cosmic fight against you, and show up my rival Washu, but I've got to meet Dr. Who for a cup of tea.  Let's go Hishima.

Hishima:  (Staring at Kagato.)  We shall meet again.  (Turns around and leaves the scene with Yume.)

Ryouga:  (Scratches the back of his head, puzzled.)  Er…did I interrupt something?

Washu:  Nothing too out of the ordinary.  So, which one of us are you going to kidnap?

Ryouga:  My lady did not specify.  I was sort of hoping that you could decide amongst yourselves.

Kagato:  I'd rather not.  I just came back from the dead, after all.

Washu:  I'm in the middle of several experiments.  If you'd called ahead things might be different, but as is I don't have the time to be kidnapped.  Try again in…let's say about 500 years.

Tenchi:  I'm the hero, and as such it's my job to rescue the kidnapped person.

Mihoshi:  But what about Nagi-

Tenchi:  Wrong continuity.  Besides, Nagi's not a villain.  She's a bounty hunter.  Therefore, she's allowed to bend the rules.

Mihoshi:  Okay!  Anyway, as a Galaxy Policewoman, I would be lax in my duties as an officer of the law if I allowed myself to be kidnapped.

Kiyone:  As tempting as it would be to get away from Mihoshi, I'll have to pass.

Katsuhito:  I'm old and claim senior privileges.

Ryo-ohki:  Miya!

Mayuka:  Waah!

Sasami:  No thanks!  I've still got to make supper.

Ryoko:  I nominate Aeka!  As a princess it's her royal duty to be kidnapped, and she already has more experience in that area than the rest of us!  Let me show you the chart.  (Takes out a chart.)

Occasions a Member of the Tenchi Household has been Kidnapped:

Yosho/Katsuhito – 0.

Mayuka – 1, by Yuzaha in the 2nd Tenchi movie.

Tenchi – 2, by Nagi in the tv series and Haruna in the 3rd Tenchi movie.

Sasami – 1, by Yugi in the Shin series.

Mihoshi – 0.

Kiyone – 0.

Noboyuki – 0.

Azaka – 0.

Kamidake – 0.

Washu – 0.

Ryo-ohki – 0.

Ryoko – 2, by Kagato in the OAV series and Dr. Clay in the 2nd OAV series.

Aeka – 3, by Kagato in the TV series, Yakage in the manga, and Lord Garyu in the manga. 

Ryouga:  That is a persuasive argument…

Aeka:  Wait just a minute!  I nominate Ryoko because this story is taking place in the OAV series, and she is kidnapped in every OAV series.  The storyline practically demands that she be kidnapped.

Ryouga:  As a villain, far be it for me to go against the storyline and do something original.  Ryoko, prepare yourself!

Tenchi:  (Positions himself in front of Ryoko with the sword Tenchi ignited.)  No, I won't let you do it!  In order to kidnap Ryoko you'll have to go through me.

Sasami:  (Picks up a kitchen knife and stands beside Tenchi.)  And me!

Mihoshi:  (Moves next to Sasami.)  And me!

Kiyone:  (Groans and stands next to Mihoshi.)  Me too!

Washu:  (Stands in front of Mihoshi.)  There's no way I'm letting my daughter leave with some strange boy whose name I don't even know!

Ryo-ohki:  Miyaaaaa!  (Stands in front of Sasami and claws at the air.)

Mayuka:  Waah!  (She doesn't move from her stroller, but her eyes briefly light up with menacing arcane power.)

Kagato:  (Forms his energy sword.)  Over my second dead body!

Katsuhito:  (Puts down his cup of tea.  His glasses glint for a moment.  He then stands up, takes a sword out from somewhere, and walks over and stands on Tenchi's other side.)  My grandson is right.  To take Ryoko away you'll have to defeat all of us.

Aeka:  (Stands undecided.)…

Tenchi:  Aeka?

Aeka:  (To herself.)  Oh, what should I do?  With Ryoko gone the path to Tenchi's heart will be all mine, but could I live with myself if I don't help now?  Oh, I'm so torn!  I know that Ryoko has helped rescue me every time I've been kidnapped, but still…

Sasami:  Aeka…

Aeka:  (Looks at Sasami, slowly lets her gaze travel across the group, finally resting on Tenchi's face.  She seems to come to a decision and regally makes her way to stand next to Tenchi.)

Sasami:  Aeka!

Ryoko:  …(Stunned look on her face.)  Ooooh, you people really do care about me.  I'm so…touched!  Thank you all so very much.  But don't worry, I can take care of myself.  (Energy crackles around her as she smiles viciously at Ryouga.)

D3:  (Materializes in the room.)  This overly sentimental and poorly written moment has been brought to you courtesy of Rowan Seven.  AIC and Pioneer are not in any way, shape, or form responsible for what you all have just witnessed.  Good day.  (Disappears.)

Ryouga:  I'll just ignore that.  At any rate, I'm guessing that since you're all assembled against me that it's time for me to show just how bad and strong I am by overpowering all of you and taking Ryoko.  Yet another unoriginal and fairly predictable move.  My role in this story is so clichéd.  I'd be terribly upset by all this if I actually enjoyed being evil…

Washu:  Enough jabbering already!  We don't have all day, you know.  I still have several micro-universes to clean up.

Ryouga:  Fine, sheesh.  I give you all a perfectly good opportunity to run away and thus delay or even thwart my lady's designs, but you act like this is Dragonball Z and demand to fight.  Since that's the case, I'll dispense a customary and trite phrase and begin.  FEEL MY TRUE POWER!!!  (A dark and howling bluish green aura springs up around him as the triangular symbols of power appear on his forehead and 5 light hawk wings materialize in front of him.)  

Kiyone:  More light hawk wings?  What, did Tsunami sell the secret of Jurai recently or something?  I know!  I bet the thousands of years of Jurai domination were just a really long commercial for light hawk wings, and now that the universe might be ending Tsunami is selling them to everyone at highly inflated prices so she can make a huge profit and retire to some parallel dimension!

On Jurai…

Tsunami:  D'oh!

Back on Earth…

Tenchi and Kagato generate their own sets of light hawk wings.

Tenchi:  Hah!  It's our six to your five!  You're outnumbered, villain!

Ryouga:  Is that so?  Bakusai Tenketsu Revised!  Bakusai Tenketsu Blast!  (Shoots an extremely small sliver of ki at Tenchi's light hawk wings.  They blow up.)

Mihoshi:  Whoa!  He just detonated Tenchi's light hawk wings by revising the breaking point technique, an ancient Amazon martial arts move rarely seen outside of China's interior, so that instead of exploding rocks with the touch of a finger it discharges energy fields with a ki beam!  Amazing!

Tenchi:  …Since when has Mihoshi been a living encyclopedia of martial arts techniques?

Kiyone:  See Viz Graphic Novel "No Need for Tenchi #6:  Dream a Little Scheme."  

Ryouga:  Enough with the continuity notes!  I've got work that, though I strongly disagree with it on a basis of honor and principles, I still must do.  SHISHIHOUKOUDAN!!!  (Fires a green energy blast.)

Various Tenchi cast members:  AAAAaaaahhhh!  (All fall down.)

Ryouga:  Now that that's taken care of I shall-, oh drat, I'm supposed to laugh maniacally again right now aren't I?  (Sighs.)  Ranma, I still don't know how yet but somehow this is all your fault!  Mwhahahahaha!!!  (Picks up and tosses Ryoko over his left shoulder.  He begins to walk away.)

Tenchi:  (Slowly and weakly climbing back onto his feet.)  Not…so…fast!  You can't take…Ryoko.  I…

Ryouga:  Yes?  Are you going to make to some sort of earth-stunning revelation right now?  This scene does seem to demand one, after all.

Tenchi:  (About halfway up now.)  I…llllll-

Ryouga:  Will you hurry up and say whatever you're going to say already?  The story can't proceed until you do, and the sooner I'm out of this poorly written attempt at a parody the better.    

Tenchi:  (Standing up now.)  I…love…her.

Silence until…

Ryoko:  Wahooo!!!  (Leaps off Ryouga's shoulder and joyfully dances in mid-air.)  Oh Tenchi, you've made me this happiest 5,000 year old former space pirate grown out of a test tube in this dimension!

Ryouga:  I hate to interrupt this tender moment and confession of love which everybody else has conveniently missed since they're all unconscious, but I'm supposed to be dragging you off to my lady's lair now.  I do apologize for my actions.  (Whaps Ryoko over the head with his umbrella.  She falls unconscious, and Ryouga once again tosses her over his shoulder and prepares to leave.)

Tenchi:  Wait!

Ryouga:  What now?  Don't tell me you have another dramatic revelation you want to make!

Tenchi:  No, but before you go you could at the very least tell me who you are and who you work for!  It is customary for the bad guy to explain things to the good guys, you know.

Ryouga:  Point.  Very well then, instrument of Tsunami.  I am Hibiki Ryouga, the Eternally Lost Boy, and I work for…(Insert dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!

Dun dun DUN!

Tenchi:  Who?  

Ryouga:  I said I work for…(Insert another dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!

Dun dun DUN!

Tenchi:  Okay, I heard you that time, but where is that music coming from?

Ryouga:  (Shrugs.)  How should I know?  Now, if you don't mind, I have to return to Tokimi's Sanctuary.  My lady awaits your coming.

Tenchi:  But how will I find that place?

Ryouga:  (Sighs.)  Do I have to do everything?  Some hero you're turning out to be.  Just follow this map that I have conveniently drawn.  (Tosses Tenchi a map.)  Good-bye!  (Leaves.)

Later…

Kagato:  (Now fully recovered from Ryouga's attack as is everyone else.)  Hmmm, after careful analysis of this map I must conclude that it is…completely worthless.  Not only does it not lead to any hidden mythological fortress, but it actually crisscrosses 3 dimensions and jumps to and from several galaxies.  Obviously this Ryouga character is trying to delay us with this 'map', giving his master more time to accomplish her plans.  No one has cartography skills this bad.  By the way, what did you say his master's name was again?

Tenchi:  He said he worked for…(Insert dramatic pause.)…Lady Tokimi!

Dun dun DUN!

Washu:  (Twitches and speaks to herself.)  Why does that name sound so blasted familiar?  Could she have something to do with my mysterious birth and the three mystic gems?  Aaargh!  Why can't I remember?

Tsunami:  Because you sealed your memories away.

Washu:  Oh, thanks.  That explains things- Tsunami!  When did you get here?

Kagato:  (Grins sinisterly.)  So this is the Tsunami unit!  I had no idea that it had merged with Sasami.  Marvelous.  Absolutely marvelous.  Why, if I were still a villain I'd find someway to brainwash her, possess her, duplicate her power, and with her completely under my thrall rule the universe!  Mwhahaha!  (Everyone stares at him.)  Eheheh, remember, I said _if_ I was still a villain.  _If_ being the key word here.

Tsunami:  Indeed.  (Turns back to Washu.)  As for your question, Washu, I just got here about 3 minutes ago.  I would've been here early enough to help you against Ryouga, but I got held up by a new episode of Universal Hospital.  Brini needed surgery and-

Aeka:  Really?  But I thought that Catni was the one going in for-

Tsunami:  No, that was just a warped dream.

Aeka:  Truly?  But that means that the entire last decade didn't happen!  What about Noni-

Tsunami:  Yep.  He's once again stuck in that love polygon with Kanidad, Ryoni, J'anni, and Mu.

Aeka:  That's so unfair!  After all the pain and suffering he went through just to put an end to it all, only to have the entire thing turn out to be a-

Tsunami:  Yes, I know the feeling.  Were I a vengeful goddess, those producers would be feeling a little divine retribution right about now, but since I'm not-

TV:  (Turns itself on by using the Universal Coincidence Principle – that contradictory information will pop up to disprove the speaker's words or actions in the form of a coincidence, as witnessed on countless television shows.)  This just in.  The producers of the popular soap opera "Universal Hospital" have themselves been hospitalized following several serious confrontations with rampaging natural phenomena.  It's as if some divine entity is seriously ticked off at them folks.  We'll continue to bring you the latest updates on this following-  (A bolt of lightning strikes the TV, destroying it.)

Tsunami:  (Coughs and attempts to look innocent.)  Anyway, we have more important issues to discuss than soap operas.  (Faces Tenchi.)  Tenchi, Jurai is in grave peril.  A dark power, the one whom you know as Hibiki Ryouga, has descended upon and conquered the planet, ruling it with a democratic hand.  If he is not stopped soon the class system will be abolished, the monarchy disbanded, and the peasants will get such disturbing ideas as equal rights, liberty, and freedom for all in their heads.

Aeka:  Eeek!  How…horrifying and utterly evil!  Truly this Hibiki Ryouga is a bad, bad man, spreading such gibberish.  Lord Tenchi, he must be stopped!

Tenchi:  You do know that the author of this story is an American, right?

Tsunami and Aeka:  ……

Tenchi:  (Sighs.)  I guess not.

Katsuhito:  Anyone else feel like they're being ignored?

Ryo-ohki:  Miya!

Mihoshi:  I must concur, dear chap.  My last written vocalization, it being a running commentary on the avatar Hibiki Ryouga's shattering of Lord Tenchi Masaki's light hawk wings, was virtually four pages behind this current speaking part of mine which is utilizing exceptionally un-Mihoshi-like vernacular.  I must say that it is all extremely distressing, what with me being a main character and all.

Everyone stares at her.

Mihoshi:  (Eyes widen in fright.)  Kiyone, everyone's looking at me and I don't know what I've done wrong!  I'm scared!  DidIgrowasecondheadormaybemytailgrewback!I-

knowInevertoldyouthatIhadatailbutpleasedon'tbemadKiyone!Iwasyoungandimpression-ableatthetimeanditwasalltherageonmyplanet!Itallhappenedbecauseof-  (Gets down on her knees and clamps onto Kiyone's legs in panic as she continues her confusing confession.)

Everyone except Kiyone who is now trying to pry Mihoshi off of her legs return to what they were doing now that Mihoshi is acting in character again.

Kagato:  Might I suggest that, since Lady Tsunami appears to be familiar with our new enemies, that she fill us in on them?

Washu:  Careful Kagato, what you just said actually sounded like a bit of common sense, and we can't have any of that in this story.

Kagato:  (Sighs.)  Indeed…

Tsunami:  Regardless of how much sense it makes, I was already going to do that anyway even before Kagato suggested it.  You see, long, long ago…

Katsuhito:  (Cups his hands in front of his mouth.)  Everyone, prepare for exposition mode!

The scene dissolves into pixels.

Narrator Tsunami:

Long, long ago, back in the earliest days of the universe, there were three sisters with cosmic powers.  There was the oldest who had a keen mind and was a representative of logic.  There was the youngest, most beautiful, kindest, nicest, and overall good one who loved order, peace, happiness, and all that stuff.  In case you couldn't tell from my description, _I_ am that sister.  Then there was the terrible, evil, black-hearted, dark middle sister named Tokimi.  An agent of chaos, she went around blowing up planets, enslaving races, and being an overall menace to the entire universe!  Her antics eventually drove the oldest sister to near insanity, and to protect her mind and self she transformed herself into a mortal.  Now almost completely unchecked, Tokimi continued fomenting murder, rebellion, greed, and dangerous lust on millions of worlds.  In the end, I nobly and selflessly stepped in and, after an exhausting battle, managed to lock her outside the universe.  Sadly, though, she found a crack in the fabric of reality and has been collecting followers for the past couple thousand years.  Now with her new avatar she seeks to reenter this dimension and return to her sinister ways.

The scene returns.

Washu:  All well and good, I suppose, but what does this have to do with me?

Sasami:  And what's Ryouga's backstory?

Mihoshi:  And how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?  (Everyone except her sweatdrops.)  What?  I've always wanted to know that!

Tsunami:  Answering your questions in reverse order, that question has eluded the universe's sages for millennia, and even I am uncertain of the answer.  You'll have to ask an even higher power about that one.  As for Ryouga, following the threads of his destiny back in time was an extremely confusing process, but from what I've discerned he's a cursed martial artist caught up in a love-polygon that puts even Tenchi's to shame and engaged in an ongoing rivalry with a fellow martial artist named Saotome Ranma.  As for you, Washu, you are…(Insert dramatic music.)…the oldest sister.

Dun dun DUN!

Washu:  (Stunned.)  Whoa.  I'm a goddess and I didn't even know it!  Of course, me being a goddess makes perfect sense and all…

Kagato:  (Irately.)  Do you realize the horror that you have unleashed upon us all, Lady Tsunami?  Now that Washu knows that she's a former goddess, her ego will increase tenfold!  No one will be safe from her boasts and arrogance!  It's the-…wait a minute!  This means that I, Kagato, single-handedly outwitted a goddess…Hmmm, I guess I can live with this development after all.  Mwhahaha! 

Kiyone:  Geniuses.  Can't live with them, can't advance the plot without them.

Tenchi:  As interesting as all this is, shouldn't we be leaving to rescue Ryoko now?  

Aeka:  Oh, what's your hurry Lord Tenchi?  That monster woman can look after herself, and we can finally have some (Blushes.) time alone for a change. 

Sad, depressing music begins to play.

Tenchi:  Aeka, I…

Katsuhito, having a hunch as to where this is going, decides that discretion is the better part of valor and hides.  

Aeka:  (Nervously.)  Yes, Lord Tenchi?  Is there something you wish to tell me?  Some heartfelt proclamation that you made in the heat of battle and wish to make public, perhaps?

Tenchi:  (Walks up till he's standing in front of her and gently strokes a lock of her hair.)  I…never wanted to hurt you, Aeka.

Aeka:  Then don't hurt me, Lord Tenchi!  I know we can be happy together!  Just give me a chance!

Tenchi:  (Eyes downcast.)  I'm sorry, Aeka, but I…love Ryoko.  

Aeka:  NOOOO!  (Weakly beats her fists against his chest.)  Why, Tenchi?  Is it something I've done?  Some flaw of mine that repulses you?  I'll change, Tenchi.  I'll do anything for you.  Just please, tell me what I can do to make you choose me instead!

Tenchi:  (Hugs her gently.)  Aeka, my decision has nothing to do with you.  You are a beautiful, attractive, magnificent woman.  Any man would be lucky to have you as his wife.  It's just that…Ryoko is the one in my heart.  When I picture my future, I can't imagine it without her.  Please, try to understand Aeka.  I care about you, but only as a friend.  I apologize, but I can't be anything more to you than that, and if you continue to pursue me like you do you might lose even that.

Aeka:  (Sobbing, but slowly beginning to regain her composure.)  So be it, L-l-lord Tenchi.  (Steps away from him.)  I'll assist you in your endeavor to save Ryoko, but afterwards I'll return to Jurai.  I've been away far too long as it is.

Tenchi:  Aeka, I-

Aeka:  (Weakly smiles as tears roll down her face.)  No need, Lord Tenchi.  I do understand.  Know this, however.  You shall always have a place in my heart.  (Looks around at everyone else.)  Well, what are we all waiting for?  Let's go rescue Ryoko and get this over with!

The sad, depressing music stops.

Tsunami:  (Quietly.)  Curses, there goes my free entertainment.

Mihoshi:  Did you say something Tsunami?

Tsunami:  No, nothing at all.  (Smiles.)  Congratulations, Lord Tenchi.  I'm sure Ryoko and you will be very happy together when this is all over.

Washu:  Tenchi, I'm ecstatic that you've finally chosen my daughter.  Why, when I think about the experiments I'll be able to legally perform on you with you as my son-in-law…(Trails off.)

Tenchi:  (Shudders in fright.)  Thanks, I think.

Kagato:  Hmm, I'll have to have a talk with you about your intentions towards my daughter, Tenchi.  (Grins sinisterly, revealing his fangs.)

Kiyone:  Yeah, congratulations, but I do have a question:  just how are we going to rescue Ryoko so you two can spend the rest of your lives in happiness together when we don't even know where she is?

Washu:  Fear not, Kiyone, for this is a simple job for the…greatest scientific genius in the universe!  Mwhahaha!

WashuA:  Let's not forget former goddess!

WashuB:  Yeah, you're the greatest scientific genius in the universe _and_ an ex-cosmic entity!

WashuA & WashuB:  You're the greatest!  (Disappear.)

Washu:  Mwhahaha!  Correct, and I have just the invention to locate my daughter!  (Takes out what looks like a futuristic vacuum cleaner with blinking lights.)  Behold, the sniff-o-matic-locator 10,000!  Capable of tracking down anything across planets, solar systems, galaxies, universes, and even dimensions!  With this brilliant tool of mine aiding us, we'll be able to follow Ryouga wherever he goes!  

Everyone claps politely.

Katsuhito:  Yay, but could you stop using so many exclamation marks?  I'm getting a headache.

Washu:  Oh, quit complaining!  Just because you're finally beginning to feel your 3,000 years of existence doesn't give you the right to deny me the usage of exclamation marks!  I'm a bombastic and brilliant scientist!  Exclamation marks are a given for me!

Kagato:  As opposed to me, a sinister and coldly calculating evil genius that generally speaks in a bitterly icy and menacingly soft voice.

Kiyone:  Chalk one up to the forces of evil…

Tsunami:  Please, let's not fight amongst ourselves!  If we can't overcome the differences that pit us against each other, how will we ever be able to unite against the common foe?  Give peace a chance!

Kagato:  Must we?

Tenchi:  Yes, we must.  To save Ryoko, I'll even work with you Kagato, the famed destroyer of ruins and my love's former tormentor.  I'll brave the most perilous expanses of space, lay siege to the most heavily fortified fortress, challenge both Tokimi and her avatar alike, battle-

Washu:  Yes, yes, we get the picture.  Come, Ryo-ohki.  While Tenchi continues his heroic monologue let's install my invention into your sensors and prepare for the trip.  (Washu and Ryo-ohki in her child form leave.)


	6. A family reunion, senseless cameos, and ...

Title: Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author: Rowan Seven

Teaser: Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion! Will Washu regain her memories? Will Tenchi grow a spine? Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help? Can Kagato be a good guy? Will the universe be saved? All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer: Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC. Other characters belong to their respective creators. I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes: This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

At Tokimi's Inner Sanctum…

Ryouga:  (Kneels.)  My Lady Tokimi, I have done what thou hast desired.  Hakubi Ryoko, daughter of your elder sister Washu and inheritor of her power, is now our prisoner, and Tsunami and her champions shall soon arrive.  What doth thou bid me doest next?

Tokimi:  (Materializes in front of him.)  For starters, stop speaking so formally.  It's so…antiquated, and I'm an extremely liberal goddess, unlike my stodgy conservative little sister.  Aaargh, just thinking about her makes me so angry!  Why, I remember the time that-

Ryouga:  My lady, I believe that you're ranting again.  

Tokimi:  Oh, do be silent!  You're my avatar, and you'll put up with as many of my rants as I desire.

Ryouga:  Careful, my lady.  If you keep up this attitude I might just have to…join a union!

Tokimi:  (Gasps.)  You wouldn't!

Ryouga:  I would, and I'm not alone in this sentiment.  Galvatron has already joined, and I have it on good word that Mistress 9 is seriously mulling over the decision as well.  Apparently she's still upset about her death.  

Tokimi:  (Melodramatically.)  How I long for the good old days when avatars and heralds were willing to work out of sheer devotion for their benevolent and not so benevolent masters and mistresses, and if they died it was always part of the job and they waited in the afterlife for their resurrection, content and happy in the knowledge that they died in the service of their ruler.  Now it's union this, protest that, if I die you have to pay my family benefits, a vacation every thousand years, etc.  What ever happened to that good old work ethic?

Ryouga:  It went out of style along with the 'I'm pure evil and am going to destroy everything just for the heck of it!' villains.  Now everyone wants explanations and motives, a reason for why villains are evil.  It's no longer, "Heroes assemble, we must stop these dastardly bad guys," but rather, "Heroes assemble, we must stop these dastardly bad guys who might not be so dastardly after all.  They might even have a sensible point and explanation for their behavior.  Let's beat them up and learn of their torturous past!"

Tokimi:  You mean…I need to have a reason for wanting to spread chaos and strife throughout this dimension?

Ryouga:  'Fraid so.

Tokimi:  Drat, this complicates matters.  Umm…D3, a little help?

D3:  (Materializes and sighs.)  Very well then, mistress.  You are beyond good and evil, light and darkness.  The eternal conflict between order and chaos, symbolized by Tsunami and yourself, is one that dates back to the dawn of time.  You and your sister are merely pawns on the dimensional chessboard, actors in a play larger than yourselves, and forced to act out your roles to the tragic end, regardless of personal feelings or desires.  We are all trapped in this mortal coil, unable to escape from destiny's chains.  Tsunami's bitter betrayal has made you more resolute than ever to continue down this inexorable path, and only through this decisive conflict can a new age dawn, for better or for worse.

12 Shadows:  (Clap.)

Tokimi:  Hmm, I like the sound of that.  Good job D3.  You may leave now.

D3:  Thank you, mistress.  Your praise is a treasure to me.  (Speaks under his breath.)  Though a raise would be more appreciated…(Disappears.)

Ryouga:  Your orders, my lady?

Tokimi:  Stay here, for now.  When my sisters arrive, however, I want you to stand guard outside this chamber and do everything in your power to deny them access.  The 12 Shadows will be positioned ahead of you, and should they fall you will be the last defense.

Ryouga:  I understand, Lady Tokimi.  Permission to act in character?

Tokimi:  Permission denied.  I'm liking your currently loyal, reverent, and faithful demeanor.  

Ryouga:  Darn.  Permission to make a simple request?

Tokimi:  Permission granted.  

Ryouga:  May I please put Ryoko down now?  Having her draped unconscious over my shoulder has earned me a lot of odd looks, and to be frank this current position is somewhat compromising.

Tokimi:  (Suddenly realizes that Ryouga is still carrying Ryoko.)  Oh, right.  Sure.  That would be a good idea.  Besides, I would like to get better acquainted with my…niece.

Ryouga:  (Sets Ryoko down gently on the floor.)

Ryoko:  Aargh…(Begins to wake up.)  What…hit…me?  Tenchi?

Ryouga:  Are you all right miss?  I apologize for the…roughness of my actions, but this story is leaving me little choice but to play the villain.

Ryoko:  Who are you…wait a minute!  You're the guy that knocked me unconscious and wiped the floor with my friends!  Prepare to die!  (Summons a mallet and whaps him with it.  It breaks.)

Ryouga:  (Shakes head.)  One of these days I've really got to ask Akane just where those mallets come from.

Ryoko:  (Still upset.)  Since that didn't work try this!  (Electrocutes him with a lightning blast.)

Ryouga:  (Tendrils of smoke are wafting off him.)  Nice try, but I'm a regular in the Tomobiki District.  After Lum, lightning bolts just don't hold the same fear that they once did.

Ryoko:  (Growls in irritation and punches him.)

Ryouga:  (Rubs his jaw.)  Fortunately for me, I have a superhuman endurance and constitution.  

Ryoko:  (Smiles sweetly.)  Is that so?  (Blasts him with an energy discharge at point blank range.)

Ryouga:  (Charred.)  Where are those light hawk wings when you need them?  (Collapses.)

Ryoko:  Now that that's taken care of, I just need to find a way out of here, return to my beloved Tenchi, and-

Tokimi:  (Coughs for attention.)  Ahem!

Ryoko:  Whoa!  A giant transparent top half of a woman!  

Tokimi:  (Smiles.)  In a…manner of speaking.  What you're currently seeing is only a visual projection of myself.  The real me, as it were, is trapped outside the universe thanks to my accursed younger sister Tsunami.

Ryoko:  I didn't know Tsunami had a sister…

Tokimi:  Few do.  Fewer still know that she actually has two sisters, the oldest being a spiky red-haired scientific genius with whom you're extremely familiar.

Ryoko:  You don't mean…

Tokimi:  Yes I do.  Ryoko, you are my niece.  Do you know what that means?

Ryoko:  (Ruminates.)  You owe me 5,000 years worth of birthday presents?

Tokimi:  (Sweatdrops.)  Other than that.  

Ryoko:  Well, I-

Ryouga:  (Recovers and stands up.)  Seeing as how being fried to a crisp makes me impatient, I'm just going to cut to the chase here.  (Faces Ryoko.)  Ryoko, as the daughter of one of the three sisters you can, with all three of your gems, generate 10 light hawk wings, ascend to a new level of existence, and help tip the balance between chaos and order in one direction or another during this upcoming battle.

Ryoko:  Don't interrupt me!  (Blasts him again.)

Ryouga:  (Light hawk wings appear and deflect the blast.)  (Mutters.)  About time.  (Faces Ryoko.)  Tell me, is there a reason why you're committing acts of violence upon me at each and every opportunity?

Ryoko:  The writer is contemplating incorporating one of those blasted love triangles into this story where, for unknown reasons, I fall head over heals in love with you and must decide whether to help you or Tenchi.  As you know, in animes violence is the most commonly used method to ascertain whether there is any chemistry between two characters.

Ryouga:  Arrgh!  Isn't there any originality at all in this story?

Tokimi:  Ibara is in it.

Ryouga:  …Point.

Ryoko:  So, what shall we do next to draw out this scene?

Tokimi:  (Smiles devilishly.)  I know!  How about I tell you some interesting family stories?  I'm sure you'd like to know what your mother was like back in the day.

Ryoko:  Well actually-

Tokimi:  (Interrupts.)  Trust me, you'll want to hear these.  There's a lot in them that you can use for blackmail.

Ryoko:  In that case, I'm all ears!  (Sits down to listen.)

Ryouga:  …I guess I'll just fade silently into the background and develop devastating techniques for use in the upcoming battle.

Tokimi:  You do that, and don't forget to work on your speechmaking!

Ryouga:  Sure.  (Sarcastically.)  After all, we all know that it doesn't matter how powerful you are when fighting the good guys.  Rather, it matters how cool you sound while doing it. 

Tokimi:  That's the spirit!  Make me proud, avatar.

Ryouga:  (Mutters.)  That union is looking better every minute…  

Elsewhere on Ryo-ohki's Bridge…

Washu:  Wow.  What a convoluted trail this Hibiki weaves.  I do believe that I-

Ryo-ohki:  Miya!

Washu:  You want to pick up those two hitchhikers?  Why?

Ryo-ohki:  Miya miya miya!

Washu:  Well, I can't argue with that logic.  Beam them onboard.  (The hitchhikers appear.)

Man1:  Thank you m'am.  I'm Arthur Dent, and this guy over here is my 'friend' Ford Prefect. 

Ford:  (Waves.)

Arthur:  Don't mind his not saying anything.  He was recently possessed by a…laringtonian slime demon, I believe it was called?  Anyway, his throat is still a little sore from exhaling fire and spitting out eggs.  So, um, nice ship you've got here.  It wouldn't by any chance be capable of serving tea, would it?

Later…

Washu:  Creator's log – personal date 5.1.3.2.1.4.E.  We're still following Ryouga's trail, and I must admit to being impressed.  Never before have I seen such a shifting and unpredictable course.  To the untrained eye, it appears that routes were chosen at random every 5 minutes, but the greatest scientific genius in the universe shall not be deceived so easily.  There must be a pattern, and after I find it I'll be able to rescue my daughter.

Kagato:  Captain, we're being hailed.

Washu:  I thought I told you to call me little Washu!

Kagato:  (Sweatdrops.)  I'd really rather not.  Putting message on screen now…

Gene Starwind:  Hi!  I'm an outlaw currently in search of the Galactic Leyline.  You wouldn't happen to have any ideas as to where it might be, would you?

Washu:  Well, I-

Kagato:  (Laughs.)  Bah!  Your 'galactic leyline' is insignificant compared to the true mysteries of the universe.  Wishes it may grant, but it is confined by its own power constraints.  It cannot do anything greater than the sum of its parts.  You'd be better of seeking truly divine power, like that harnessed by the trees of Jurai.

Gene Starwind:  Thanks for the tip, but I have personal reasons for wanting to find the Galactic Leyline.  Later.  (Communication ends.)

Washu:  Kagato, that was very rude of-

Kagato:  We're being hailed again.  Putting on screen…

Kain Blueriver:  Hi!  I'm a troubleshooter, and we've been hired to locate and apprehend the spaceship Outlaw Star.  You haven't seen it by any chance?

Washu:  Actually, we-

Mihoshi:  Millie?  Is that you?

Millie Nocturne:  (Pushes Kain aside.)  Mihoshi?  I haven't seen you since our police academy days!  What are you doing out here?

Mihoshi:  Well, I'm helping my friends stop a plot by a cosmic entity to break into and conquer this universe.  Exciting, isn't it?  How about you?  I haven't heard anything from you since you got fired!

Millie Nocturne:  Well, after my dreams of becoming the best detective in the universe and writing a bestselling novel based on my law enforcement career were dashed by a certain sword-wielding redhead who shall remain nameless-

Kain Blueriver:  Hey!

Millie Nocturne:  -I joined this crew of troubleshooters and decided to become the best troubleshooter in the universe and write a bestselling novel based on my adventures!  

Canal:  What are you two dawdling around here for?  We've got a job to do, money to collect, and new weapons to buy!  Honestly, I don't know why I let you humans live inside me!  Engaging engines now…

Kain and Millie:  Bye!  (Communication ends.)

Kiyone:  You two know each other?

Mihoshi:  (Smiles widely and nods.)  Yep!  She's my cousin!

Washu:  As interesting as this is-

Katsuhito:  Hey Washu, what's that?  (Points at something on the radar.)

Washu:  (Looks at a console.)  That?  Oh, that's a-

Kagato:  -Leviathon being pursued by a Peacekeeper Command Carrier.  On an interesting sidenote, there appears to be a Leviathon gunship in the near proximity as well.  I was unaware that such a ship existed.  Interesting…

Washu:  Aarrgh!  Will I never finish a-

Kagato:  We're being hailed yet again.  Putting on screen…

Captain Harlock:  Hi.  

Aeka:  I wonder what's with all these crossovers?  Oh, if only there was some knowledgeable entity to tell us!  (Looks pointedly at Tsunami.)

Tsunami:  What?  Just because I'm the goddess of Jurai you expect me to know everything?

Aeka:  Well, yes.  Goddesses typically do.

Captain James T. Kirk:  (Beams aboard.)  What strange…alien ship am…I on…now?  Natives appear…to be in a state of…agitation.  Must…get back to…Enterprise!

Tenchi:  (Sighs.)  Let's just skip to the next scene before this one becomes incomprehensible.  

Washu:  You're too late, Ten-

Mihoshi:  Hey look, it's Evil Emperor Zurg's ship!

Washu:  Why am I always being interrupted whenever I-

Ryo-ohki:  Miya miya!


	7. Of Shadows, Avatars, and More Cameos

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

Later and at Tokimi's Sanctuary (Finally!)…

Tenchi:  (Standing on a floor that seems to stretch endlessly in all directions.  Alien organisms of all shapes and sizes are all over the place as strange monuments constantly change their configuration.)  Well, it looks my suggestion was followed up on after all.

Katsuhito:  Only because the author didn't have a satisfactory way of ending that scene.

Tenchi:  Sure, ruin my illusions of grandeur grandpa.  

Katsuhito:  (Smiles.)  I do what I can.

Kiyone:  As touching as all this family bonding is, shouldn't we get started?  By the looks of it we have quite a long ways to travel before arriving at Tokimi's Inner Sanctum. 

Kagato:  What is distance when compared to the mysteries the universe?  Distance is merely a derivative of time and effort, while the mysteries of the universe are matters that may never be solved but still yield tantalizing glimpses of an answer, enough to incite men and mortals to struggle towards new heights and depths of power and knowledge.  It is-

Washu:  Yeah yeah yeah, I've heard this speech plenty of times before, Kagato.  No need to repeat yourself.

Kagato:  (Sulks.)  Be that as it may, I must-

Mihoshi:  (Interrupts.)  No need to repeat yourself?  Is that an episode of the Tenchi Universe series?

Kiyone:  (Puts her head in her hands and sighs.)  No Mihoshi, it is not.

Aeka:  Not that I'm in any hurry to rescue Ryoko since I don't care about her welfare one way or another and I am telling the truth here so stop snickering Tsunami, but shouldn't we be starting this trek now?

Tsunami:  Indeed.  The longer we delay the greater my dark sister's chances for freedom become.

Kiyone:  What I don't understand is why, if this opportunity to escape from her prison is so rare, Tokimi has gone to the trouble of conquering Jurai, kidnapping Ryoko, making us all aware of her presence, and then providing us a trail, though tricky, that leads right to her base?  It doesn't even appear to be guarded.

Kagato:  Being a former, now reformed, villain myself I could answer that question and explain why Tokimi has made so many mistakes and provided us with the opportunity to stop her plans, but then I'd have to kill you.  

Washu:  Villain's code?

Kagato:  Yes, and I'd appreciate it if you did not speak more on this matter.  There's no need to point out the simplistic and childish plot of this story.  In a transparent attempt to change the subject, where's Ryo-ohki?

Washu:  She's parked outside the temple to pick us up when all of this is over.

Kiyone:  But what about the guards?

Mihoshi:  Oh, they're over there.  (Points at the approaching 12 Shadows.)

Kiyone:  And you were planning on telling us this when?

Mihoshi:  (Eyes tear up.)  I'm sorry Kiyone but-

12 Shadows:  (Raise their right hand, effectively stopping Mihoshi's emotional outburst.  Begin to make menacing motions.)

Mihoshi:  I'm scared!  

Tenchi:  Er…Grandpa, what should I do?

Katsuhito:  Remember your heritage Tenchi.  You must fulfill your destiny!

Tenchi:  Not the advice I wanted to hear, Grandpa.

Kagato:  Interesting.  These 12 Shadows appear to be entities of pure darkness.  I wonder how they're planning on attacking us.

Washu:  Undoubtedly they'll rely on darkforce manipulation tactics, probably to the n-th degree and-

12 Shadows:  (Make shadow puppets.)

Heroes:  (Sweatdrop.)

12 Shadows:  (The shadow puppets look sinister.)

Aeka:  Shadow puppets?  They plan on attacking us with shadow puppets?!  I have never been so insulted!  This is not how one is supposed to try to stop a virtuous band of heroes!

Tsunami:  It does seem rather…odd.

Kiyone:  Besides, just how are those shadow puppets supposed to hurt us?

12 Shadows:  (The shadow puppets attack Kiyone.)

Kiyone:  AAAARRGGGHHH!!!  THE PAIN!  THE PAIN!  I'M DONE FOR!  (Falls down melodramatically.)

Mihoshi:  Kiyoneeeee!  (Rushes to Kiyone's side.  Cries.)  I shall avenge your death, my friend!

Kiyone:  (Weakly.)  I'm not dead.

Mihoshi:  Oh, well then, I shall avenge your fatal injuries!

Kiyone:  (Stronger.)  I'm getting better…

Mihoshi:  Nonsense!  You're mortally wounded and shall be avenged!  You just lie there and make yourself comfortable while I take care of the rest.  (Stands up bravely, her face hardened with determination.  Eyes the 12 Shadows harshly.)  I am Kurimitsu Mihoshi.  You hurt my partner.  Prepare to die!  (Brings her hands together and, ever so slowly, makes a shadow bunny puppet.)

12 Shadows:  (Step back in fear for a moment, collect themselves, and reform their shadow puppets.)

Shadow Puppets and Shadow Bunny Puppet:  (Fight.)

Mihoshi:  Tenchi, all of you go on ahead!  I'll hold these wraiths off!

Tenchi:  Mihoshi, I don't know what to say…

Mihoshi:  Don't worry about me Tenchi!  The fate of the universe is at stake!  That's more important than two Galaxy Police officers!  Now go!

Tenchi:  (Stares at Mihoshi hesitantly, eyes the forward direction, looks back at her sadly, and finally follows her command and runs forward.)

Washu:  This might actually be sad if I could take it seriously.  Shadow puppets.  Ha!  (Follows Tenchi along with the rest of the 'gang'.)

Shadow Puppets and Shadow Bunny Puppet:  (Continue fighting, extremely viciously and fiercely.)

A few minutes later…

Tsunami:  Can we (Wheeze.) stop running (Pant.) now?

Washu:  Tsunami, what are you complaining about?  You're a goddess, and your power is legendary!  How could this simple run tire you out?

Tsunami:  (Glares at Washu.)  For your information, as the (Pant.) Goddess of Jurai (Wheeze.) I usually exist as an (Gasp.) immobile tree!  Even when I (Wheeze.) assume humanoid form I rarely have to do more than (Pant.) smile, stop the current crisis, and (Gasp.) say something profound!

Kagato:  (Frowns and shakes his head.)  This is the power I sought for over 5,000 years?

Mysterious voice:  Worry not, for soon such petty concerns as exhaustion will be behind you!  (A powerful green energy blast stops them in their tracks.)  Mwhahaha!

Aeka:  Oh dear, some mysterious and powerful agent of Tokimi lies before us!  Whatever shall we do?

Katsuhito:  Whatever our decision, we must be cautious.  I sense a great and dark power ahead!

Kagato:  Oh come on!  As if it's not blatantly obvious whom we'll be confronting next!

Washu:  Quiet, former assistant of mine.  No need to spoil the plot point.

Tsunami:  Indeed.  Tenchi is supposed to make a speech now.

Mysterious voice:  (Steps out from the shadows until only his face is still obscured.)  Actually, I'm supposed to reveal my identity first.  (5 light hawk wings appear in front of him, dispelling the last of the shadows.  It's Ryouga.  He sighs.)  Now hurry up and make your heroic speeches.  The sooner that's out of the way the sooner I can make my villainous speech, fight a dramatic and sensational battle against your combined powers, and win or lose finally be out of this story for good!  At least until the epilogue, at any rate…

Tenchi:  (Poses dramatically.)  Hibiki Ryouga, Avatar of Tokimi, I demand that you stand aside!  I shall do whatever it takes to be with the woman I love!  There is no mountain that I won't climb, no bridge that I won't cross, no gap too insurmountable, no obstacle too large, and no challenge too difficult to keep me from Ryoko!  (Sadly.)  I have wasted so much time wallowing in indecision and worry, time that I could've spent with Ryoko.  I don't want to squander another moment.  I love her so much it hurts, and now that I've finally worked up the courage to admit it to myself and others there is nothing that I won't do for her.  Please, let me pass.  Should you try to stop me I'll be forced to fight you, and for Ryoko's sake I would win.  (Summons his three light hawk wings and light hawk sword.)

Kagato:  Hmm, since I too possess light hawk wings I guess it is only appropriate that I make a speech as well.  Very well then.  Desist in your attempts to delay us, Avatar.  I have done many things…that I am not proud of, my treatment of my daughter paramount amongst them.  It might be impossible for me to ever truly make amends, but for the sake of my family, I will try.  I will do everything in my power to rescue my daughter and let her find the happiness she deserves.  Anything obstructing this path that I have chosen shall be annihilated.  (Summons his energy sword and three light hawk wings.)  Hmm, not bad if I do say so myself.

Aeka:  (Sadly.)…Remove yourself, Hibiki.  Though I'm loathe to admit it, Tenchi loves Ryoko, and if being with her will make him happy I'll do everything in my power to help them.  Such is my responsibility, as their friend and a princess.  (Miniature logs surround her as her forcefield goes up.)

Washu:  Drat, the good lines have already been taken.  At the probable risk of reiterating what has already been stated, surrender Hibiki Ryouga! I failed my daughter once, and I'm not about to do so again!  (Takes a fighting stance.)

Katsuhito:  Everything that needs to be said as already been said.  I will support my grandson in this endeavor of his.  Your odds of succeeding aren't good, Hibiki.  (Takes out a sword.)

Ryouga:  Finally, it's my turn to speak.  (Takes out a piece of paper and reads from it.)  Misguided allies of Tsunami, know this.  I am Hibiki Ryouga, Avatar of Lady Tokimi, and I shall do everything in my power to fulfill my responsibilities to my dark goddess.  Knock me down a hundred times and I shall get up one hundred and one times.  I shall use every ounce of my skill, every degree of my power, and every scrap of my conviction to win this fight.  Though outnumbered, I shall battle on.  The forces of light and order have had their chance.  Now it's time for chaos and darkness to rule supreme.  Retreat or surrender, it matters not.  For soon Lady Tokimi shall rule all.  Mwhahahahahaha!!!  (Puts paper away.)  (Mutters.)  I hope you're happy Lady Tokimi.  We all sound like something out of a B movie.  (Summons his light hawk umbrella and assumes a fighting stance.)

Tsunami:  (Smiles cheerfully.)  Good luck Tenchi!  I shall pray for your success.

Tenchi:  (Confused.)  But…aren't you going to fight with us?

Tsunami:  (False frown.)  Unfortunately, no.  I am forbidden from aiding you in this trial.  Defeating my sister's avatar shall prove whether or not you are worthy of proceeding farther, and helping you would constitute an unfair advantage.  You're on your own.  Terribly sorry.  I can cheer you on, though.  (Morphs into a cheerleading uniform.)  Go Tenchi!  (Waves pompoms.)   

Katsuhito:  Methinks this is just a tad convenient.

Ryouga:  (Blinks and shudders.)  Like mothers, like daughter.  (Faces Tenchi.)  Ready?

Tenchi:  As I'll ever be.

Ryouga:  (Smiles sinisterly.)  Then…PREPARE TO DIE!  ShiShiHoukoudan Rapid Fire!  (Fires a volley of ki blasts which the heroes barely manage to dodge.)  Hmm, not bad!  But I can do much more than just fire ki blasts.  (Attacks physically at lightning speeds.)

Tenchi:  (Barely holding Ryouga off.)  Kagato, Grandpa, Washu, I could really use some help here!

Kagato:  If you insist…  (Joins the fray.)

Katsuhito:  Shall we Washu?

Washu:  But of course!  (They both attack Ryouga.)

Aeka:  I'll try my best to protect all of you!  (Summons her forcefields.)

Ryouga:  (Two of his light hawk wings are defending against Katsuhito and Washu while he's using his other three to protect against Kagato and Tenchi's attacks as he tries to hit them with his light hawk umbrella.  Aeka is using her shielding powers to defend her allies, shooting the occasional energy blast as well.)  Bah!  Is this all you've got?  (Mutters.)  Even my vernacular is incorrect…

Tsunami:  Go Tenchi!  Go Kagato!  Go Yosho!  Go sis!  You can do it!  I believe in you!  (Does a cartwheel.)

Kagato:  (Sarcastically.)  I feel so motivated…

Ryouga:  Enough of this prattling!  It's time that I got serious.  Feel my true power!  And just for the sake of it,  mwhahaha too.  (Powers up Dragonball Z style.)  AAAAARRRGGHHHHH!!!

Katsuhito:  Oh dear, I can feel his power growing at a phenomenal rate!  

Tenchi:  Aura so strong…can barely remain standing…

Washu:  If we survive this I think I'll use this Ryouga as a new lab specimen!

Kagato:  If the author had a better understanding of my character I'd undoubtedly say something appropriate right now…

Aeka:  TENCHIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!

Ryouga:  (Surrounded by a enormous brilliant green aura and with his light hawk wings extended.  The heroes are scattered all across the room from the force of it.)  Aaaaaarrrgggghhh!!!

Tenchi:  (Gets back on his feet and notices that Ryouga is done powering up.  Ryouga's now emitting a green glow, his entire body pulsating and suffused with sheer power.)  This could be trouble.

Ryouga:  That all depends on your standpoint.  I happen to think it's good.  Let's finish this.  (His five light hawk wings straighten out in front of him and begin to spin in a circle.  He cups his hands and begins to charge up for an energy blast.)  Shi…

Tenchi:  Quickly everyone, lend me your power!  (Tenchi's light hawk wings begin to spin similarly as a sphere of energy appears in the center.)

Kagato:  Let me guess:  this is one of those scenes where the heroes combine their powers into one gigantic attack and hope for the best, right?  How predictable…  (Stands behind Tenchi and adds his power to Tenchi's.)

Washu:  Oh, quit complaining Kagato.  This is traditional and is supposed to teach the audience the importance and value of friendship!  (Stands next to Tenchi and adds her power to his.)

Ryouga:  Shi…

Aeka:  I agree with Washu.  Sure, this is something you'd more likely expect to find in a Sailor Moon story rather than a Tenchi Muyo one, but the significance of friendship is not to be understressed nor underestimated!  (Confused expression.)  …Whoa, I think I was just channeling Amelia Wil Tesla Seryuun.  (Stands next to Tenchi and adds her power to his.) 

Katsuhito:  Tenchi, know this.  Whatever happens next, I am proud of you.  (Also stands next to Tenchi and adds his power to his grandsons.)

Tenchi:  For Ryoko!  (His light hawk wings fire.)

Ryouga:  Houkoudan!  (His light hawk wings also fire.)

The two blasts meet in the center of the room, Tenchi's an ocean blue and Ryouga's an acidic green.  The two vie for supremacy as both Ryouga and the heroes assembled against him struggle, both wearing looks of intense concentration on their faces.  The focus of these two opposing energies shifts back and forth as the balance of power changes.  Slowly but surely it heads towards Ryouga.

Tenchi:  Haha!  Keep it up everyone!  We're winning!

Ryouga:  (Sweating.)  No!  I will not permit myself to lose again!  This battle is too important, too vital to the future!  I must…win!  Aaaaarrrggghhh!  (With a sudden burst of additional power from Ryouga, the focus of the energy blasts changes direction and heads towards Tenchi at a rapid speed.)   

 **BOOM!!!**

Everyone except Tenchi and Ryouga are now collapsed on the ground and unconscious.

Tenchi:  (With his light hawk wings shattered, on his knees, singed, and with a look of disbelief on his face.)  (Weakly.)  We…lost?  How…Ryoko…I'm…sorry…(Falls unconscious.)

Ryouga:  (Incredulously.)  I…won?  That wasn't supposed to happen.  According to the script the heroes were supposed to defeat me after I put up a long and valiant fight, move on and confront Lady Tokimi, rescue Ryoko, and save the universe.  Curse you Ranma!  Somehow this must all be your fault!  Now Lady Tokimi will break free unopposed, conquer the universe, and have an ecstatic job spreading chaos and strife throughout this dimension.  How could the heroes lose?  Have they no respect for storyline and plot flow?  What am I supposed to do now?

Gohgei:  (Appears.)  Fear not, for it is I, Gohgei, wandering monk and champion of justice!  Wherever there is villainy a hero shall emerge to combat the sinister threat!  For the sake of the universe I shall defeat you Ryouga!

Asahi:  (Also appears.)  Be careful, my dearest Gohgei!  I don't want to lose you!

Gohgei:  Sweet Asahi, I shall do everything in my power to return safely to your arms, but with so much at stake I have no choice but to fight.  I can't let Lady Tokimi win!

Ryouga:  Hmm, you may be a manga character, but right now I can't be choosy.  Very well then, Gohgei.  We shall fight.  Now, prepare yourself!  (Ryouga punches Gohgei, knocking him through a wall.)

Asahi:  (Worried.)  Gohgei!

Gohgei:  (Stands back up.)  I'm alright!  (Studies Ryouga.)  You're stronger than I thought, but fortunately I've been holding back.  TRANSFORM!!!  (Transforms into his Gagution form.)  

Ryouga:  …Well, at least he's not wearing a fuku.  (Attacks.)

Gohgei:  (Blocks.)

Ryouga:  (Attacks.)

Gohgei:  (Blocks.)

Ryouga:  (Attacks.)

Gohgei:  (Blocks.)

Ryouga:  (Attacks.)  What are you doing?!!  Why are you only blocking?

Gohgei:  (Blocks.)  It's not just any block.  It's the Legendary Peek-O-Boo Block!!!

Ryouga:  (Attacks.)  Point being?  You're still blocking!  How are we supposed to have a dramatic battle that will stun the audience if all you do is block?

Gohgei:  (Blocks.)  Ah, but my blocking has a purpose!  (Begins to glow.)  See, I've got an ultimate technique that's similar to bending a bow almost to the breaking point and then releasing it.  With ki, however, it releases one giant and powerful supercharged blast of energy.  (Performs his ultimate technique.)

Ryouga:  The power…it's enormous…AAARRRGGGHHH!!!  (Gets blown away.)

Gohgei:  Love and justice triumphs!  Hurray!

Asahi:  You did it Gohgei!  I'm so proud!

Ryouga:  (Looking very beaten up, bruised and bleeding slightly from several locations, he still stands back up.  His five light hawk wings flicker in and out of existence for a few moments before completely resolidifying.  Gohgei and Asahi watch him with shocked expressions on their faces.)  Im…Impressive, Gohgei.  You are truly a worthy opponent.  However, against the power of Lady Tokimi you shall fail.  Prepare yourself for round 2!  (Assumes a fighting stance.)  You know, I think I'm finally getting the hang of this dramatic speechmaking requirement.

Gohgei:  …Darn it!  That makes two people who have recovered from my ultimate technique, Hishima and Ryouga.  Unfortunately, that attack has drained me of most of my energy.  I shan't be able to remain fighting for much longer…

Asahi:  Gohgei, please don't continue!  I need you!  I'm…I'm…pregnant!

Gohgei:  (Amazed expression.)  Pregnant?!!  Hold on, time out!  I lose!  

Ryouga:  You're giving up just when the universe needs you the most?  Why?

Gohgei:  I must follow my teachings which state that I must order my life for the sake of the one I love.  I must protect Asahi and her unborn child.  I love her and my future offspring stronger than words alone can express.  For them I will suffer any indignity.

Ryouga:  …Sounds sensible.  However, where am I supposed to find a hero to fight now and on such short notice?  I don't want Lady Tokimi to win any more than you do, but as her avatar I'm not allowed to raise my hand against her.

Gohgei:  Good question.  Hmmm, how about the Sailor Senshi?

Ryouga:  Sailor Venus is currently in a cat-fight with Pixy Misa, and the others are otherwise occupied fighting a survivor of the Black Moon Family in Neo-Crystal Tokyo.

Asahi:  Lina Inverse and the Slayers?

Ryouga:  Not if you still want a universe leftover when the battle's done.

Gohgei:  Saotome Ranma?

Ryouga:  Much as I would enjoy knocking him senseless and finally proving to him who the better martial artist is, I don't think he's suited to dealing with cosmic threats.

Asahi:  OAV Ifurita?

Ryouga:  In suspended animation and awaiting Makoto.  Besides, she doesn't have the energy to spare against me.

Gohgei:  Superman?

Ryouga:  A Superman/Tenchi Muyo crossover has already been done, and the author doesn't want to risk coming across as an idea thief.

Asahi:  He's concerned about originality now?

Ryouga:  So it would seem.

Gohgei:  How about the Gundam Pilots?

Ryouga:  One well-placed and timed Bakusai Tenketsu rapid fire and it would be over.  

Asahi:  The Evangelion pilots?

Ryouga:  They'd only last for 5 or so minutes up here.  Besides, I don't feel like adding double meanings to everything I say and religious and philosophical overtones to my actions.

Gohgei:  Kumui Shirou?

Ryouga:  I don't think he's recovered mentally from slashing Fuma's head off yet.

Tsunami:  Magical Girl Pretty Sammy?

Ryouga:  …Wrong continuity.  Besides, shouldn't you be unconscious right now?

Tsunami:  Oh yeah.  Thanks for reminding me.  (Falls down unconscious again.)

Asahi:  The Sorcerer Hunters?

Ryouga:  Do I look like an evil spellcaster to you?

Asahi:  Well, how about the Cardcaptors?

Ryouga:  I don't want to be accused of child abuse.  Besides, I don't think they have any means of getting here.  

Gohgei:  Well, it would appear that this problem is more difficult than any of us thought!  Without a hero to defeat Ryouga and confront Lady Tokimi the universe shall fall to her dark power!  Will a hero show up?  Will Ryouga emerge triumphant the one time he doesn't want to?  Will Lady Tokimi prevail?  

Ryouga:  How should I know?  And for crying out loud, stop talking like that!  You sound like the narrator of a children's cartoon!

Gohgei:  Eh eh, sorry.  

Asahi:  Alas, what shall we do?  Where is the single brilliant ray of light amidst the darkness when we need it most?  Where is the noble hero who shall save the universe?

Mihoshi:  (Enters with her clothes in shreds and panting heavily, dragging Kiyone behind her.)  Hey guys, you'll never guess what happened to me!  My shadow bunny puppet had the 12 Shadows on the run, but then they combined their powers and formed the Evil King Shadow Puppet and-

Ryouga:  (Faces Mihoshi and, seeing her practically unclad form, does what he normally does when faced with the flesh of a beautiful woman.)  Urk!  (Faints with a nosebleed.) 

Asahi:  …That works.  Good job Mihoshi!  Your beauty has given the universe the chance it needs!

Mihoshi:  (Stars appear in her eyes.)  Wow!  Really?!!  I'm so…flattered!  Just wait till I tell Grandpa and Kiyone and Yukinojo and-

Gohgei:  I'm sure they'll love to hear your story, Mihoshi, but first we must rouse your fallen allies!  The final test lies ahead of you, and only the strength of your united friendship stands a chance of stopping the coming evil!  

Asahi:  Wow, that sounded so profound Gohgei!

Gohgei:  Well, I _am_ a monk!  Come, now that our role in this story is done let us return to Ryuten and celebrate our good fortune!  (They leave.)

Mihoshi:  (Waves.)  Bye-bye!


	8. Cosmic Conflict! Who Will Win? As if i...

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

A few minutes later…

Tsunami:  Now that I've completely rejuvenated all of you and repaired Mihoshi's clothes, we can proceed.  Come, let us defeat my sister and save the universe!

Kagato:  But what should we do about him?  (Kicks Ryouga's unconscious form for emphasis.)

Washu:  Let's just leave him there.  I doubt he'll be recovering anytime soon, and my scientific genius tells me that the author is in a rush to finish this story so he can work on his other writing project.

Tenchi:  Ryoko, here I come!  (Charges forward.)

Aeka:  Tenchi, wait for me!  (Runs after him.)

Mihoshi:  I'll help too!  (Chases after them, dragging Kiyone along behind her.)

Kiyone:  (Grumbles.)  Why me?

Katsuhito:  Ah, the impetuousness of youth.  (Follows at a more leisurely pace.)

Kagato:  It would appear that if we stay here we risk being written out of the story.

Washu:  You say that as if it were a bad thing.

Kagato:  True, but the more lines I have the better my chances are of impressing another, more talented writer with my character and having him or her write an incredible and insightful story about me.

Washu:  Hoping for another BGlanders, Kagato?

Kagato:  To be completely honest, yes.

Tsunami:  And in the off chance that BGlanders is reading this tale, Rowan Seven encourages you to finish the terrific story The Villain's Crusade.  (Squints her eyes as she reads off a cue card.)  That…story is…absolutely marvelous with…brilliant characterizations and one of the most…original and intriguing plots I've ever…come across.  Please…finish it.

Washu:  Now that the author's blatant plea is done with, this story can proceed to the next scene.  Forward to Lady Tokimi's Inner Sanctuary!

At Lady Tokimi's Inner Sanctuary…

Tokimi:  (Grinning.)  -and then she duplicated the polymatrix and completely reprogrammed the main personality to simulate the etriganelios eel!

Ryoko:  (Laughing.)  She didn't!

Tokimi:  Honestly, she did!  But that doesn't compare in the least to the one time all three of us sisters visited the millennial gathering of immortal and cosmic beings.  Why, between Tsunami's preaching peace and love while she was still in her hippie phase and Washu trying to perform experiments on more than half the entities there I'm surprised that any of us were allowed to come back the next millennium!  

Ryoko:  (Holding her sides from laughing so hard.)  Oh, please go on, and please tell me that you've got pictures!  I'll finally have something to use against Washu the next time she threatens me with that tape.

Tokimi:  As a matter of fact, I-

Tenchi:  (Bursts in.)  Ryoko, are you all right?  I've come here to rescue you…(Trails off as he takes in the scene and Ryoko's very undistressed state.)

Aeka:  (Charges in.)  Tenchi, is everything all ri-  (Collides with Tenchi's back.)

Mihoshi:  (Rushes in.)  Lady Tokimi, you have the right to remain silent!  Anything you say or do can be-  (Collides with Aeka.)

Kiyone:  Mihoshi, let go-  (Collides with Mihoshi.)

Kagato:  (Enters in a hurry.)  Tokimi, I shall not allow you to-  (Collides with Kiyone.)

Washu:  (Runs in.)  Wait for me!  The show can't start without the greatest scientific genius in the-  (Collides with Kagato.)

Tsunami:  (Runs in wearing a worried look.)  What's the matter?  Are we too-  (Trips over Washu.  They all fall down in one great pile of tangled limbs.)

Tokimi and Ryoko:  (Sweatdrop.)

Katsuhito:  (Enters at a nonchalant and casual pace.  Looks at his fallen allies.  Sighs.)  What have I told you all about looking before you leap?  Have you learned nothing from staying in the presence of a venerable elder?

Tenchi:  (Muffled by the bodies on top of him.)  Sorry Grandpa, but I was caught off guard.

Katsuhito:  (Sighs.)  Tenchi, when we get home I'm increasing our normal sparring time to three hours.

Tenchi:  (Whines.)  But Grandpa, I still have school!

Katsuhito:  Silence boy!  As the Prince of Jurai you have more important concerns to worry about right now.  The evil and malicious Lady Tokimi stands before you, still trapped outside of the universe!  If we don't stop the rites she'll soon be free, and you'll have to fight a cosmic entity herself.

Tokimi:  Oh yeah, that's right!  I almost forgot about that!  (Gloating.)  Greetings, Tsunami.  I see you've had a bit of a fall, both literally and metaphorically speaking.  Your union with this Sasami has weakened you to the extent that you'll be easy pickings once I achieve my freedom.  Soon this universe will be mine, and there's nothing you can do about it!  Nothing!  Mwhahahaha!!!

Tsunami:  (Untangles herself and stands up.)  Oh yeah?  Well, we'll see about that!

Tokimi:  (Blows her raspberry.)  Oh please, just what do you think you can accomplish now?  The rites D3 is performing will be finished in less than 15 seconds and-

D3:  (Appears.)  Actually, my lady, I still require another 5 minutes.

Tokimi:  Okay, 5 minutes, and then…Uh oh.

Tsunami:  (Smiles sweetly.)  You appear to have made a miscalculation, sister.  With your last servant occupied with performing the ceremonial rites, there is no one left to prevent my chosen from interrupting the ceremony.  This universe is still mine!  Mwhahaha-  (Notices the odd looks she's getting from her friends.)  -, er…I mean this universe is still outside of your evil grasp!  Light and order shall triumph over your darkness and chaos!  Haha!

Tokimi:  (Frowns for a moment, but then slowly smiles wickedly.)  Not quite yet, _dear_ sister.  I still have one last card to play!  (To Ryoko.)  Terribly sorry about this, Ryoko dear, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  I'll make it up to you when I'm free.  (Concentrates.)

Ryoko:  What do you mean…(Eyes turn lime green.  A monstrous and inhuman smile graces her beautiful face as her head slowly turns to face Tenchi and her friends.)

Kagato:  (Untangles himself from the pile of bodies as the others do the same.  Shocked.)  How…I thought that I was the only one who could…copycat!

Tokimi:  (Mockingly.)  Sticks and stones may break my ethereal bones, but names will never hurt me!  Ryoko, attack!  

Ryoko:  Grrr…(Attacks Tenchi with her summoned energy sword.)

Tenchi:  (Desperately blocks Ryoko's attacks.)  Grandpa, what should I do?  I don't want to hurt her!

Katsuhito:  Why do you always ask me for help?  

Tenchi:  (Barely avoids having his head skewered off.)  Because you're my grandfather and a knowledgeable old man!

Katsuhito:  (Frowns.)  …Tenchi, about that last part…(Drops his old man disguise.  Now he looks like a healthy young man in his late twenties.)

All:  (Dramatic gasp.)

Aeka:  You b*stard!  (Slaps Yosho, formerly known as Katsuhito, across the face.)  You lied to me!

Yosho:  (Rubs his jaw.)  I assure you, I had a good reason.

Aeka:  (Angrily.)  And it was?

Yosho:  Er…(Points at Tsunami.)  She told me to do it!

Tsunami:  Hey!  Don't bring me into this!  I'm your goddess!  You're not supposed to implicate me like-

Aeka:  (Faces Tsunami with Juraian aura blazing in anger, forehead veins throbbing, and eyes filled with rage.)  YOU!!!

Tsunami:  (Worried.)  Eheh, now sister, you have every right to be angry with me, but can't we talk this over like two civilized people?

Aeka:  (Heads toward Tsunami with murderous intent.)  NO!  YOU RUINED MY CHILDHOOD DREAMS!  AAARRGGHH!!!  (Attacks Tsunami.)

Tsunami:  Owowowowowowowow!!!  (The two become lost in a cloud of dust of their own creation.)

Mihoshi:  Er, Kiyone, shouldn't we do something?  Fighting is bad!

Kiyone:  The Jurai Nobility has always claimed to be above the law.  I think it would be wise of us to acknowledge that claim just this once.  After all, who in their right mind would want to get between a vengeful princess and a goddess?

Tokimi:  Mwhahaha!  How amusing!  I always did warn her that interfering in other people's lives like she does would cost her one day.  Now Ryoko, continue your attack!

Ryoko:  (Resumes attacking Tenchi.)

Tenchi:  (Continues blocking.)  Well, now that I know my grandfather isn't an old man I can't expect him to fulfill the sage's role any longer.  Hey Kagato, you're over 5,000 years old!  What should I do?

Kagato:  What is age when compared to the mysteries and wonders of the universe?  Is not age but a number while the unexplained phenomena of the cosmos are an intangible riddle?  What is-

Washu:  Enough already Kagato!  Just answer Tenchi's relatively simple question!  Oh, and Yosho, after this crisis is done would you stop by my lab?  I have a few 'experiments' I'd like to run with your help.  Mwhahaha.

Yosho:  (Nervously.)  Sure, as long as I'm still alive.  

Kagato:  (Sighs.)  Now that I've been rudely interrupted, I might was well comply.  Tenchi, Ryoko's not herself right now.  I, better than anyone else, know this.  Only by severing the jewel from her wrist can you free her from Tokimi's thrall.

Tenchi:  Oh yeah!  How could I have forgotten that?  I had to do the same thing the first time we fought!  Ryoko, I'm sorry but I must do this!  (Cuts off her wrist with the jewel attached.)

Ryoko:  Grr…(Eyes return to their normal golden color.)  Ten-Tenchi?  (Hugs him.)  Oh Tenchi, I'm so sorry!  I never wanted to hurt you.  I'm sorry…(Cries and regenerates her hand.)

Tenchi:  (Hugs her back.)  It's okay Ryoko.  I forgive you.  You weren't yourself.  I'm just happy that you're now safe and sound and in my arms.  I love you Ryoko, and I never want to let you go.

Ryoko:  Oh Tenchi…

Tenchi:  Ryoko…  (They kiss.)

All:  Awwwwwwwww…

D3:  (Appears and interrupts the romantic moment.)  My lady, the ceremony is done.  (Disappears.)

Tokimi:  (The air crackles with cosmic energy as gale force winds stir up and the entire temple begins to shake.)  Mwhahaha!  At long last I'm free!  Freeeeeeeeee!  Mwhahaha!!!

Kiyone:  Darn!  We spent so much time dealing with Ryoko and fighting amongst ourselves that Lady Tokimi had enough time to free herself.  (Sadly.)  There goes my promotion…

Mihoshi:  Cheer up Kiyone!  I'm certain that in a universe of chaos and strife there will be a need for law enforcement!  We'll be partners forever!

Kiyone:  (Wails.)

Aeka:  (Steps away from Tsunami.)  I…apologize.  In light of recent events it would appear that I acted rashly.  I'm sorry.  It's just that when I found out that you were the one who hid my childhood love and betrothed from me for so long I became so…angry.

Tsunami:  (Bruised but smiling.)  I forgive you sister.  If our positions were reversed I might've acted in a similar manner myself.  Besides, odds are we won't be in this plane of existence for much longer than 5 minutes anyway, and I don't want to spend the rest of those few minutes with you angry with me.  (They hug.)

Kagato:  …Anything the author wants me to say at this point would probably be construed as being out of character.  Still, if the end has arrived I do not want to go without a few last words.  Washu, Tenchi, Ryoko, I just want to let you three know that if I could do everything again…I would!  Except this time I wouldn't let Tenchi cut me in half when I'm just about to capture Tsunami!  Mwhahahaha!

Washu:  (Blinks.)  O-kay.  I was going to say something about how you were the best lab assistant I ever had and compliment your dedication to science but just for that I'm going to hold my tongue!  As a matter of fact, I think I'll insult you as well!  Yakage was by far the better lab assistant and student!  Yume accomplished more in 1,000 years than you did in 5,000!  Your contributions to science are comparable to the discoveries of the mad wombago priests of the Shining Silver Berry order on Platimus IX!

Kagato:  (Sarcastically.)  I am _so_ hurt.  And for your information the wombago acolyte Nidnails was the first to discover and pioneer the Law of Cosmic Casualty and theorized the existence of-

Washu:  Bah!  Like that was important!  The Law of Cosmic Casualty was an insignificant discover when compared to Kokiran's Laws and-

Kagato:  Once again you have fallen prey to the same delusions and misconceptions that plague modern day science.  The Law of Cosmic Casualty is revolutionary and a big step forward in sub-sub-atomic n-dimensional theory!  Why just-  (They continue debating.)

Yosho:  …Mother, father, I know you can't hear me now but…I just want to say that I'm sorry.  I am not the person you wanted me to be.  If I were given a chance to start my life over again I cannot say if I would change things, but the rift between us is something which I truly regret causing.  I love the both of you very much.  Good…bye.

Funaho:  I love you too Yosho.

Yosho:  Aaah!  (Turns around and sees Misaki, Funaho, and Azusa.)  (Nervously.)  Wh-what are you three doing here?

Azusa:  We got tired of flying around the galaxy in a panic and decided that all of us wanted more dialogue.  So here we are.  Nice temple, this Lady Tokimi has.  If we all weren't about to die in a few minutes I'd ask her who her interior decorator was.

Misaki:  Aeka!  Sasami possessed by Tsunami!  My daughters!  I missed you so much!  (Hugs them, almost choking them in the process.)

Tenchi:  Ryoko…I…

Ryoko:  I know.  I love you too.  (They hold each other.)

Tenchi:  I'm sorry I took so long to confess my feelings.  Had I said something earlier we'd have more than these few last minutes together.

Ryoko:  I don't care.  I've waited over a decade for this moment.  Even if I should die in the next second, I'll be happy just so long as I'm in your arms.  (They kiss again.)  Of course, I'm not about to die without putting up a fight.  (Summons her energy sword.  Behind her Tenchi summons his light hawk wings and sword.)  Let's do this.

Tokimi:  (Her image explodes, illuminating the room with brilliant holy light.  Her maniacal laughter does a neat echoing effect.  Eventually the light fades and as everyone opens their eyes again they see Tokimi in her complete humanoid form, talons and 10 light hawk wings included.)  I am now free, and it is time that I retake what is rightfully and unrightfully mine.  First though, I shall dispense with the vengeance.  Tsunami, watch as I destroy your friends before your eyes!  Mwhahaha-ow, my thousands of years of laughing seem to have finally caught up with me.  Drat.  Fortunately I have prepared for this eventuality.  (Takes out a tape recorder and hits the play button.)

Tokimi's Tape Recorder:  (With Tokimi's voice.)  Mwhahahahahahaha!!!

Tokimi:  (Smiles and hits the stop button.)  I suggest you all pray now.  (Her light hawk wings power up and begin emitting needle-like discharges of power.)  (Hits the tape recorder's play button again.)

Tokimi's Tape Recorder:  Mwhahahahaha!!!  

Aeka:  (Needles penetrate her forcefield.)  Oh, she got me!  (Collapses theatrically.)

Misaki:  (Needles hit her.)  Aeka!  (Falls down.)

Funaho:  (Takes out a pair of chopsticks and skillfully deflects each and every needle.)  You'll need to do better than that!

Tokimi:  (Yells over her maniacal laughter recording.)  OKAY!  (Her light hawk wings are now shooting bursts of energy the thickness of redwood trees.)  

Funaho:  (Eyes widen.)  That'll do.  (Gets hit by an energy blast and collapses.)

Azusa:  Funaho!  Misaki!  NOOO!  (Gets hit by a blast.)  Why am I always knocked unconscious in this story?  Oh well, at least I'm shown as a decent father in this fanfiction…  (Collapses.)

Mihoshi:  Kiyone, I'm scared-  (Gets hit by an energy blast and collapses.)

Kiyone:  Mihoshi?  (Lightly shakes her.  She doesn't stir.)  (Kiyone smiles madly.)  Thank you!!!  Thank you so much!  (Gets hit by an energy blast.)  I can see the light and it's Mihoshi free!  Yay!  (Falls down.)

Yosho:  Maniacal laughter…so chilling…it's paralyzing!  Can hardly…move…and am now…Shatnering…feel a dramatic speech coming…(Gets hit by an energy blast before he can make a dramatic speech.)  Darn…(Collapses.)

Ryoko:  Tenchi, look out!  (Jumps in front of him.)

Tenchi:  Ryoko, nooooooo-  (Energy blast hits.)

**BOOM!!!**

Tenchi:  (There is a convenient cloud of dust in front of him.)  (Worried.)  Ryoko?

Ryoko:  (Cloud of dust clears.  Ryoko has a horrified expression on her face.)  D-dad?

Kagato:  (In front of Ryoko and with a gaping hole in his chest.  He jumped in front of her right before the blast hit and took the full force of it himself.)  Daughter?  (Puts a hand on what remains of his chest and slowly holds it up where he can see it.  It's covered with green blood.  He looks at it with disbelief.)  My, how…unexpectedly noble of me.  (Lacking feeling.)  Ryoko, I love you.  I'm so sorry for all the things I did to you.  I'm proud of you, my little girl.  Please, live and be happy.  Remember me.  (More seriously.)  I'd just like to remark how out of character this death scene is.  It's an obvious sign of a typical flair for the dramatic, a total disregard for established behavioral patterns of mine, and a poor attempt to inject some seriousness and sadness into this story.  As a matter of fact-  (Dies.)

Washu:  How come Kagato is the only one to have died from these energy blasts when everyone else was merely knocked unconscious?  It doesn't make scientific sense!  Why was that-

Tsunami:  Hush, sister.  I do believe that Ryoko's big scene is coming up next.  As for your question, there's no need to go around pointing out inconsistencies in a story already laden with them.  The death of someone close to Ryoko was needed, the options were limited to you, Kagato, and Tenchi, Kagato was chosen, and that last energy blast just happened to be stronger than the previous ones for unknown reasons.  Stop questioning the story!

Ryoko:  (Stunned.)  You're…really dead, father.  (Cheers before remembering that she's supposed to be sad.)  Oh daddy, I'm sorry.  Tokimi will pay for what she's done to you.  (To the universe in general.)  Do you hear me?  She'll pay!!!  (Glows with cosmic power.  The temple begins to shake again.  Her two mystical gems on Tenchi's sword detach themselves and reattach onto her wrists.  Winds pick up and everyone backs away.  Energy crackles throughout the construct.)

Tokimi's Tape Recorder:  Mwhahaha-  (Is destroyed by a passing bolt of energy.)

Tokimi:  Uh oh.  I'm in trouble…

Ryoko:  AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-  (Her last gem, the one that was cut off earlier, floats up from the ground and attaches itself to her neck.  10 light hawk wings materialize and surround her.  An otherworldly and sadly knowledgeable expression appears on her face.  Slowly the charged atmosphere dissipates.  When the ascension is over Ryoko calmly and silently turns to face Tokimi.)

Tokimi:  Oh dear, I probably could've avoided this had I actually learned from the mistakes of others, but no!  I just had to go and murder someone precious to the hero who could harness power to rival mine if properly motivated.  (Slams her head against a summoned wall.)  What _was_ I thinking?

Tenchi:  (Stunned.)  Ryoko…you're so…beautiful.

Washu:  Mwhahaha!  (Pumps her left arm in pride.)  I did it!  My greatest creation has finally realized her true power!  I have created a new goddess!  There's no way Yume can top that.  I truly am the greatest scientific genius in the universe now!

WashuA:  Hurray for Washu!

WashuB:  Congratulations Washu!

Washu A & B:  You're the greatest in the whole universe!

Tsunami:  (Smiles.)  In the darkest hour, hope springs eternal.  Your plans will never come to fruition now, sister, and soon you'll be banished back outside the universe again.  Ryoko, end this now.

Ryoko:  (Smiles beatifically.)  I…understand…everything…now.  (Faces Tokimi and begins to glow.)

Tokimi:  (Frightened.)  Now now Ryoko, let's not be hasty.  You know I was never really going to hurt you, just your friends and family!  Er, that really didn't sound the way I hoped it would.  

Ryoko:  (Suddenly turns around and with great speed grabs Tsunami.)

Tsunami:  (Surprised.)  Hey!  What are you doing, Ryoko?!!  I'm not the villain here.  She is!  (Points at Tokimi.  Ryoko ignores her pleas.)  Washu, Tenchi, somebody, help me!!!

Tokimi:  (Confused.)  I'm…not her target?  (Cheers.)  Go Ryoko!  Way to wipe that self-righteous smirk off her face!

Tenchi:  (Steps in front of Ryoko, his sword raised and a torn look on his face.)  Ryoko, what are you doing?

Ryoko:  (Smiles mysteriously.  Points of light that might be stars seem to gleam in the depths her eyes.)  Trust me, my love. 

Tenchi:  …(Remains undecided for a moment.  Looking at Ryoko, though, he finally makes up his mind.  He lowers his sword and steps aside.)     

Tsunami:  (Irate.)  Tenchi, how could you?  I'm your goddess, and if not for my subtle manipulations you never would've been born!  Help me!

Ryoko:  (Still smiling.)  Thank you.  (Advances towards Tokimi, dragging Tsunami behind her.)

Tokimi:  Er, niece, I know I'll be the third person to ask you this, but what are you doing?  Are you helping me or fighting me?

Ryoko:  (Smiles mysteriously.)  You'll see.  (Throws Tsunami at Tokimi.)

Tsunami:  (Flies through the air.)  Aaaaaahhhhh-(Collides with Tokimi.)

**BAM!**

Tsunami and Tokimi:  (Both are now sitting on the floor, rubbing their foreheads.)  Oww!

Ryoko:  (Wags her left index finger at them.  For just a moment it seems as if sparks of energy leap from it to both fallen sisters.)  Get along.  (Turns around and walks to Tenchi, her eyes and demeanor returning to the mortal Ryoko.)

Tokimi:  (Blinks.)  Get along?  With her?  Never!  (Stands up.)

Tsunami:  (Also stands up.)  I agree!  I could never get along with that insufferable, bitter, rude, crude, and offensive witch!

Tokimi:  (Turns to face Tsunami, anger on her face.)  How dare you!  You little…wench!  I hope the lumberjacks of planet Bunyonite chop you down!

Tsunami:  Grrrr…well, I hope the appropriately named Make-Goddesses-Our-Slaves Cult finds you!

Tokimi:  That would almost be preferable to seeing your ugly face again for an eternity!

Tsunami:  My face isn't ugly!

Tokimi:  Oh yes it is, and it's ancient too!  I see a gray hairs!  Haha!

Tsunami:  (Screeches.)  I DO NOT HAVE GRAY HAIR!

Tokimi:  (Reaches over and pulls one out.)  (Haughtily.)  Oh really?

Tsunami:  Aaarrgghh!!!  (Slugs Tokimi.)

Tokimi and Tsunami:  Owww!!!  (Both press their right hands against their right cheeks.)

Tokimi:  (Eyes narrow.  Slugs Tsunami.)

Tsunami and Tokimi:  Owww!!!  (Both press their left hands against their left cheeks.)

Washu:  Interesting.  They appear to be linked on some mental pathway.

Ryoko:  One's pain is now the other's pain, and vice-versa.  

 Tokimi:  …

Tsunami:  …

Tokimi and Tsunami:  Unfair!  (They both look at each other again, seemingly displeased that they acted and spoke in unison.)

Tenchi:  (Worried.)  But what about Sasami?

Ryoko:  She'll be fine until Tsunami permanently fuses with her.

Washu:  Well, this is certainly an anticlimactic ending.  Where's the near destruction of the universe?  The collapse of the space/time continuum?  The enormous explosion?  The manifestation of love?

Tenchi:  Actually, judging by the way everything's shaking now I'd hazard a guess and say the big explosion will occur in two minutes.  As for the manifestation of love, Ryoko…will you marry me?  (Gets down on one knee and presents her with a wedding ring he has on him just for the sake of this story.)

Ryoko:  (Eyes dazzle.  As an atmosphere effect, cherry blossoms begin to fall.)  Oh Tenchi…yes, a thousand times yes!  (They kiss yet again.)

Washu:  (Mutters.)  Figures.  Now that this story has had the predictable Tenchi/Ryoko get together plot after they've saved the universe and defeated the bad guys the author might as well end this now.  Ryo-ohki, come to me!

Ryo-ohki:  (Crashes through the temple and within a few seconds is hovering right in front of them.)  Miya!!!  (Beams everyone except Tokimi and Tsunami aboard and leaves.)

D3:  (Appears.)  This temple will self-destruct in approximately 10 seconds.  Have a nice day.  (Disappears.)

Tokimi:  (Stares at Tsunami.)…

Tsunami:  (Stares at Tokimi.)…

Tokimi:  …Sister, this is all your fault!

Tsunami:  Is not!

Tokimi:  Is too!

Tsunami:  Not!

Tokimi:  Too!

Tsunami:  No-

(Temple blows up.)  **BOOM!!!  **


	9. The Epilogue where everybody predictably...

Title:  Tenchi Muyo - Tokimi Strikes!

Author:  Rowan Seven

Teaser:  Lady Tokimi sets her diabolical plans in motion!  Will Washu regain her memories?  Will Tenchi grow a spine?  Can Tsunami bring herself to stop watching soap operas long enough to help?  Can Kagato be a good guy?  Will the universe be saved?  All this and the identity of Tokimi's avatar, the mysterious 'Z', revealed!

Disclaimer:  Tenchi Muyo belongs to Pioneer and AIC.  Other characters belong to their respective creators.  I am not making any money off of this story so please don't sue.

Notes:  This story was inspired by snippets that have been released about the 3rd OAV series.

And so the universe was saved from darkness and chaos yet again.  Jurai was retaken by the Masaki family, Tsunami became Sasami again, and they all went back to Earth for a special event.

Yosho:  Do you, Tenchi, take this 5,000-year-old female alien science experiment and goddess to be your awfully wedded wife, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

Tenchi:  (Smiles.)  I do.

Yosho:  And do you, Ryoko, take this young male Juraian/human crossbreed, Prince of Jurai, and avatar to be your awfully wedded husband, to love and to hold, in sickness and in health, till Tsunami stops resurrecting him?

Ryoko:  (Smiles.)  I do.

Yosho:  Then by the power invested in me by my status as a Shinto Priest and a prince of Jurai, I now pronounce you husband and wife.  You may now kiss the bride.

Ryoko and Tenchi:  (They kiss yet again.)

Azusa:  (Smiles in a smugly satisfied manner.)  Mwhahaha!  Now that Tenchi is married to Ryoko I no longer have to fear him marrying my daughter and assuming the throne someday!  My nightmare is over!  Mwhaha!

Noboyuki:  (Sniffles as he records the entire event on a video camera.)  Congratulations, my son.  I'm so proud of you.  Now if only I could get some more lines…

Misaki:  (Cries loudly.)  They're so…beautiful together.  Weddings always make me cry.

Funaho:  (Smiles softly.)  (Thinks to herself.)  Perfect.  Should they have any children their power will be phenomenal and a strong asset to Jurai.  I'm looking forward to the future.  Besides, I'll have kids to spoil again.

Aeka:  (Smiles a pained smile.)  So…it is finally over.  Ryoko has won.  Whatever will I do now?

Sasami:  (Cheerful.)  I'm so happy for you Ryoko and Tenchi!  I hope you live the rest of eternity happily ever after!

Azaka:  Hurray for-

Kamidake:  -Ryoko and Tenchi!

Mayuka:  Waaah!

Ryo-ohki:  Miya!

Hishima:  So this is a wedding.  What an interesting custom…the joining of two souls for all eternity.  I wonder…

Yume:  (Grits teeth.)  Grrr.  You haven't won yet Washu!  You may have created a goddess, but I'll still find a way to surpass you!  Just you wait!

Ibara:  (Sighs sadly.)  At least Ryoko is happy now.  I wish you the best, beloved.

Gohgei:  Yay!  Three cheers for the happy couple!

Asahi:  (Holds Gohgei's right hand while her other hand is placed protectively on her stomach.)  (Giggles.)  You know, if Ryoko and Tenchi have kids anytime soon we should arrange a playdate.  

Mihoshi:  (Wails and hugs Kiyone.)  I'msohappyforthem.SureIlovedTenchitoobutheandRyokoreallydomakeanicecoupleandI'msurethatthey'llbehappytogether.Still,Idowishthat-ohno,I'dneverbesoselfish.WhatamIsaying-

Kiyone:  (Has a resigned expression on her face.)  Some things never change…

Washu:  (Wearing a radiant smile.)  I'm ecstatic!  Once those two get back from their honeymoon off to my laboratory they go!  Mwhahaha!

Minagi:  (Cheers.)  Way to go Mom!

Pixy Misa:  What are we still doing here Rumiya?  I want to blow something up!

Rumiya:  (Lowers and shakes head.)  Will you ever grow up?

And so on.  Ryoko and Tenchi tossed the flowers and garter and immediately left on Ryo-ohki (decorated with cans and with a banner draped across her crystalline protrusions reading "Just Married.") to escape the ensuing chaotic struggle that destroyed the house yet again and woke Godzilla from its restive slumber.

Azusa, Misaki, Funaho, Sasami, and Aeka (with Kamidake and Azaka in tow) returned to Jurai and continued to rule it with an iron fist.  Eventually Aeka did end up marrying Ibara, and they lived happily ever after till the next threat to the entire universe.

When Sasami was finally old enough she fused with and permanently became Tsunami.  Now having no choice but to get along, Tokimi and Tsunami did their best to set aside their differences and eventually got their own sitcom series telling the wacky and bizarre adventures of two goddesses forced to become roommates.  

With Tenchi preoccupied with Ryoko and Kagato dead, Hishimi got bored and had Yume build him a time machine so that in his spare time he could travel the timestream and fight the most powerful fighters who ever existed.  He was last seen challenging Himaru Kenshin.

Yume spent the next thousand years frantically trying to top Washu's achievement and eventually succeeded in building a cybernetic superbeing with potential that surpassed even Ryoko's.  Unfortunately for her, before she could show it off to Washu Mihoshi visited her lab and, in an accident involving a banana, two ionic rods, an antimatter tank, and a rubber band, sent it to the world of El Hazard where it eventually become known as the OAV Demon God Ifurita.

Minagi continued working as a noble space pirate until she got the notion in her head that it would be even more noble and cool to be a wanderer traveling the universe to help others and searching for personal redemption.  Of course, when she learned how little this paid she returned to piracy and is currently wanted dead or alive by several governments.

Gohgei and Asahi continued to live happily ever after, living their lives together to the fullest and enjoying every moment of it.  They had twin daughters who annoyed the heck out of the son Tenchi and Ryoko later had till they all hit their teenage years and a new romantic comedy began.

Noboyuki continued to live with his father-in-law, son, daughter-in-law, and granddaughter, repairing the house whenever it was destroyed in a display of power.  Washu too remained at the Masaki house and eventually married Yosho.  Mayuka had a happy childhood, and as an adult conquered the world.

Mihoshi and Kiyone are still partners, a situation that will seemingly last forever.

Kiyone:  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Kagato stayed dead unless a sequel is written in which case he cloned himself again and merely laid low, biding his time for the perfect moment to reenter the universe.

Pixy Misa and Rumiya were returned to their own dimension where they continued their rivalry with Magical Girl Pretty Sammy and her animal familiar, Ryo-ohki.

The Funaho and Misaki fanclub, finally realizing that their chances with the queens were practically nonexistent, disbanded and reformed as the Tsunami and Tokimi fanclub.  Currently their scientists are working on way to protect the members from lightning bolts.

D3 quit his job as Tokimi's helper and took a job at Starbucks.  

D3:  They're everywhere.

The 12 Shadows went on an extended vacation, earning the occasional income by performing shows in Las Vegas.

As for Ryouga, he miraculously survived the destruction of Tokimi's Temple and continued his search for Nerima, saving planets and doing many heroic acts over the course of his journey.  After seeing more than half the universe and saving it over a dozen times he finally made it back home.

Ryouga:  (Now in his early twenties and looking at a sign in disbelief.)  (Reads it.)  Furinkan High.  …Yes!  I finally made it back to Nerima, and with my new techniques and powers Ranma won't stand a chance against me!  Mwhahaha!  Saotome Ranma, prepare to die!  (Is about to charge off angrily in a random direction when he realizes how foolish doing that would be and instead decides to wait till someone comes along.  He doesn't have to wait long.)

Ranma:  (Distant.)  Uncute tomboy!

Akane:  (Angrily.)  Ranma no baka!

Shampoo:  Airen!  Eat my ramen!

Ukyo:  No!  Ranchan, eat my delicious okonomiyaki instead!

Kodachi:  OHOHOHOHOHOH!  Don't worry Ranma-sama, I'll rescue you from these witches.

Mousse:  (Angrily.)  Ranma!  You made Shampoo cry!  Die!

Kuno:  Foul sorcerer, verily I have tried to put an end to your evil spells, but alas!  Your trickery and black magic have always permitted you to escape from being smote by my most puissant blade!  No longer!  This is the day I at last vanquish you, Saotome Ranma!  So declares the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!

Ryouga:  (Wistfully.)  Ah, home sweet home.  Time to make my entrance.  Ranma, prepare to die!  (Leaps towards the voices.)

Ranma:  Kuno, shut up-  Hey, did any of you hear something?

Ryouga:  (Lands right in front of Ranma, forming a crater by the force of impact.)  Now Ranma, it is time for you to-  (Stops when he notices that everyone except Kodachi looks old enough to be his grandparents.)  Er…sorry about this, it's just that you reminded me of my friends and-

Ranma:  (Coughs in shock.)  Ryouga?

Ryouga:  Yes?  How do you know my name?

Ranma:  It's me, Ranma.  Where have you been the past sixty years?

Ryouga:  (Shocked.)  Sixty years?!!  I've been lost for sixty years?  But how?  Why haven't I aged?  …Curse you Lady Tokimi!  You never told me that light hawk wings would grant me extended life as well!

Akane:  I'm confused.  Who's Tokimi, Ryouga?

Ryouga:  (Sighs sadly.)  It's a long story Akane.  Suffice it to say that…wait a minute.  How come Kodachi doesn't look a day over twenty-one, and why are all of you still fighting?  Surely you've resolved all the love triangles by now.

Ranma:  Er…eheheh…well…you see…

Kuno:  Come to peace with the black-hearted and foul sorcerer Saotome while he still holds my two loves under his thrall?  Never!

Shampoo:  Shampoo never give up till Ranma is Shampoo's.

Ukyo:  I'll never abandon Ranchan!

Akane:  Certain bakas aren't willing to admit their true feelings, and if they won't then neither will I!

Mousse:  Forsake Shampoo?  Inconceivable!

Kodachi:  Ranma-sama is mine!  OHOHOHO!   

Ranma:  (Annoyed shrug.)  See what I mean?  They won't give up!

Ryouga:  (Evenly.)  But what about Kodachi?

Kodachi:  OHOHOHO!  One of my chemical concoctions bestowed me with eternal youth and longevity!

Ryouga:  ...Well, that explains that.  (Turns to face Ranma, anger discernible on his features.)  Ranma, how dare you string everyone along for sixty years!  Die!  Neo-Ultra ShiShiHoukoudan!  (His green ki blast hits Ranma, knocking him into the next district.)

Mousse:  ...

Shampoo:  ...

Ryouga:  (Surprised.)  That was...easier than I had expected...

After defeating Ranma, Ryouga spent the next week in Nerima, realized just how disturbingly obsessed everyone including himself was, and then left before he could be sucked back into the weirdness sink that is Nerima.  Eventually he and Minagi got together since the author wanted those two characters to be paired up with someone before the story's end.

And they all lived happily ever after until Katsuhiko Jinnai conquered the entire multiverse.  The end.


End file.
